Soul Mates

How many times have you met someone who was very different from you in culture, religion, race, experiences, etc. yet you felt an almost immediate connection with the person?

Frequently this happens as I meet new people. Sometimes it stimulates me to get to know the person so that I can discover why this is so. At other times I simply accept the fact that they seem to be a soul mate and enjoy the feeling of connection.

One such experience was during the first international conference where I presented AgeEsteem. Among the other keynote speakers was the South African Ambassador to Switzerland. Although she had been raised during Apartheid in a very different culture with a different color to her skin, as she told her story I knew that our souls merged. Despite different geographical and cultural beginnings, our origins were similar. We had been raised with comparable values and many of the same messages of support and encouragement during our formative years. Neither of us was raised in riches of money; both were raised among the riches of love, a zest for life, knowing education was essential if we were to reach our dreams, and with a faith in right overcoming wrong.

Similar experiences have greeted me over the years as I travel the world and connect with people who are doing amazing things in their own homes and communities. Sometimes these people are older; often they are younger; rarely are they the same age as I am. Age makes no difference. What is within us does. We are connected by yes, our experiences and origins in some cases and our visions and goals in others. – And we are always connected by our shared values.

Next time you meet someone, when you stretch out your hand to say hello, stretch out your heart also. You may find a soul mate.

Bonnie Fatio

An Intergenerational Vacation

Why is it that so many older people book cruises for their vacations?

When my husband and I took a cruise in the Caribbean I found many answers to this question.

Despite the fact that cruises are not free, they can be relatively inexpensive if you book last minute deals, or very early. Since almost everything is included in the price, you can get by without investing in extras.

And there are bonus advantages:

• You stay in the same room and only need to unpack and repack once. – Your temporary home carries you to your multiple destinations.
• The food includes all dietary wishes.
• Multiple activities are available to play, learn and exercise.
• Ease of contact with people of all ages.

If you choose to, you can interact with little ones and teenagers as well as those closer to your own age or older than you.

I believe this last point is especially important to feel confident and competent as you age. A key to age esteem is to be in contact with people of other generations and cultures. It is an excellent way to gain a new perspective and understand what is important to younger and older people, as well as have an opportunity to share your own views.

Why is this important for your age esteem? When we interact with people of other ages, rather than isolate ourselves with adults of our own era, we become comfortable being with and dialoging with other generations. Take teenagers for instance. If we do not have regular contact with teenagers, we can easily be more critical of them simply because we do not understand how they see the world. When we take time to converse with them and listen to their interests and ideas, we begin to appreciate who they really are. We no longer categorize them as having the same traits simply because they are teenagers. Instead we get to know them as individuals. – And they see us as unique individuals as well.

My dad used to open conversation with young people easily. He was genuinely curious and interested to know what they thought. Sometimes the youth would be leery of him in the beginning, but they soon found themselves in conversation. They could tell that his interest was sincere. It may not be as simple as that for people who are more timid. However, vacation is a great time to be with, and get acquainted with others of all ages.

Bonnie Fatio

Age Esteem = Regular Interaction with People of All Ages

An important quality of Age Esteem is to have regular interaction with people of all ages. – To relate to the full span of ages.

This used to be a natural aspect of living. Three, even four generations within a family often lived under the same roof, and still do in many countries today. It provided a natural relationship among different generations with each understanding his or her role within the family.

Of course it was not always easy, but neither is it necessarily easy to live within a mono-generational community. In both cases we need to know how to accept and respect each other.

We also learn from each other. The older ones give us a reference to be able to put the ups and downs of life into perspective as we make our own life decisions. They provide examples as role models.

Younger generations keep us current. What matters to youth today? How do they view the world? What is the meaning of their favorite music and games?

When we esteem ourselves at the age we are, this age esteem comes in part from recognizing the value of our age, in relation to ourselves and in relation to others.

Working and interacting intergenerationally helps us to gain the necessary perspective to recognize our own value at the age we are.

Bonnie Fatio

Intergenerational Diversity

 A quality of Age Esteemers is to have regular contact with people of all ages. I would also extend this to include diverse backgrounds and cultures.

We live in a world today where we can no longer simply sit back and live as though there is no evolution and we can live with the status quo. The world constantly evolving: technology is advancing, health care is making tremendous inroads concerning our bodies and minds and how to keep them healthy, education includes topics that were not yet dreamed of when we were children.

It is an exciting time to be alive!

One way to make the most of it and to keep up with worldviews and events is to speak and interact with people of diverse backgrounds and from other cultures.

• Ask questions,
• Share your traditions with them and allow them to share theirs with you,
• Invite them to see photos of your life and perhaps the lives of your ancestors and take the time to view their own photos and
• Share the stories that highlight each of your lives.

As you get to know each other better and to understand both your differences and similarities, you will grow in appreciation and tolerance of those differences and find new complementarities among your similarities. Instead of criticizing each other, you will be able to value the other person for the qualities she has.

Bonnie Fatio

Big Bird

Big Bird is a gift for all ages, and a symbol of age esteem.  When our four year old granddaughter and I met him at Busch Gardens, Florida, we were both equally thrilled.  – And we both wanted our photo with her!*

When I met her I said, “Oh, Big Bird, you have been my idol forever!”, later to discover that she was created in 1969.  She represents the  generation between our granddaughter and me.  So this is truly an intergenerational photo.

Big Bird is definitely a friend of AgeEsteem® and a gift for all ages.

• Big Bird makes you laugh, without even speaking.
• All generations love him.
• His goal is to help people learn, especially children.
• He is a role model as a good friend to the other Muppets.
• He reminds us of the importance of play and having fun, at every age.

2012 will be the European Year for Active Aging and Solidarity between Generations.

Solidarity between generations, people of different generations working together,  is essential for our world to function.  Many of the AgeEsteem workshops that I give are around an intergenerational theme and the importance of the complementarity that people of different ages and stages in life offer each other.

It is natural to want to be with others of diverse ages and to have solidarity between generations.  If we look at the family unit we see two, three and even four generations.  It is natural to interact daily with people of other generations, be they younger or older.

• Do you have regular contact with your parents, grandparents, children or grandchildren?
• What contact do you have with younger and older people?
• What benefit do these people bring to your life – and you to theirs?
• Is there a feeling of solidarity between generations where you live and work?
• If you lack contact with other generations, what can you do to remedy this?

People with age esteem tend to be active with positive people of all ages, creating solidarity between generations.

Bonnie Fatio

This is your time to bloom with Age Esteem!

Flowers are bursting forth with the first hint of warmth and sunshine as Spring becomes reality.

• Plan an activity with others.  Include older people and younger ones.  Make it intergenerational.
• Make a commitment to volunteer, join a new group or participate in a new activity.
• Encourage friendships with positive people, people who make you feel good.  Avoid those who bring a negative energy with them.
• Do something courageous.  Push yourself beyond your comfort zones.
• Give thanks for all the blessings of your life, large and small.

Age Esteem is a frame of mind, a way of life.  This is your time to bloom with an Age Esteem positive attitude!

Bonnie Fatio

Attending the Commission on the Status of Women with the World YWCA at the United Nations is an intergenerational experience, and an energizing one!

Women of all ages from the entire world share real life experiences in preventing, overcoming, and striving to eliminate violence against women and girls, discrimination, and racial injustice while promoting equal access to education, decent work, finances, health care, safety, political opportunities, decision making and dignity.

The intergenerational commitment to sharing these issues at each age and working together to promote women at every stage of living is essential to making this happen.

Look at your life at your age today in the environment in which you live. Imagine that

• You have no pure water. You walk for hours each day to carry the infected water that you do find.
• You are unable to attend school because your mother is ill and you must replace her to work in the home.
• You denied decent work opportunities or advancement in the workplace.
• You risk violence and rape on the path to school.
• You do not have access to health care. The nearest infirmary is three hours by foot.
• Your parents arrange for you to marry while you are still a child. You have no choice.

This may be difficult for you to imagine or it maybe the way life is where you live.  Either way it is important for discussions and solutions to be intergenerational.

Bonnie Fatio

Many of the films for May/June are from around the world: France, Spain, Argentina, Switzerland, Norway, Mexico, United States.  I no longer dare call them foreign films since AgeEsteem readers come from most areas of the globe so many films will be foreign to most.

Films are a wonderful escape into another world and other lives far removed from our own, or perhaps not so different.   They are good for our age-esteem.

• We continue to learn through movies.  They stimulate our minds.
• Going to a theater is a social event, as is watching a DVD with friends.  We share the film and our impressions and reactions.
• Films often make us laugh or cry.  Laughter is a great preventive medicine..  Crying is also a good release that rids us of toxins.
• Films help keep us abreast of what is ‘in’.
• Watching films can be an intergenerational activity.  It offers us the occasion to ask questions and to learn from others, including small children and teens.

Research also shows that to watch a film in another language, whether or not we read subtitles, helps to connect our mental neurons in new ways.

Having fun and meeting with people of different generations keeps us up to date on what is happening in the world as seen from other age groups.  It also gives us opportunities to share from our own point of view.

A delightful way to meet with others is through traditions that we share.  The tradition of having an annual family picnic to celebrate the national holiday creates memories for each member of the family.

If you don’t have a family, borrow neighbors and friends to create an intergenerational tradition.  Here are some ideas.

• Organize a treasure hunt mixing ages on each team.  It is a great way to learn to value the qualities of others as you follow clues that demand creativity, logic, technical skills, physical agility…  Different members get to shine at different moments.  You can be certain that it will become a tradition as participants beg to have another.
• Produce a play and perform it for friends and neighbors each summer.  All ages can work together as actors, prompters, ticket sellers…  You can perform outdoors or in a garage.
• Orchestrate a Mad Hatter’s Tea Party.  Each person can arrive with a homemade hat or you can encourage them to bring material, ribbon, paper, flowers and food like string beans with them for everyone to share while they make their hats on the spot.  You can also break them into teams to make one hat among them which is then modeled and judged.  Be sure to have a judge from each age group on the jury.

Ideas are endless.  Fly kites.  Line dance.  Have a day at the beach.  Organize a spelling contest.  You will be surprised how much fun it can be to begin an intergenerational tradition.