“Recognize your special uniqueness as your gift to the world which you can offer in multiple ways.” – Bonnie Fatio

What is your special uniqueness that can be offered as a gift to the world? We all have greatness within us! Even if a bed measures one’s boundaries, the challenge most of us face is to accept and acknowledge the special gifts within us.

Did you know that there are actual health benefits to giving? Studies have found that giving can not only lower your blood pressure but it can lower your stress levels too. Who would think that giving of your time, through volunteer work, could increase self-esteem, decrease depression and lead to a longer life? Researchers also think that giving back might give individuals a “happiness” boost by providing them with a neurochemical sense of reward.

In this month of thanksgiving, I challenge you to find your special talents and give them to the world.

We often have more time to reflect on our lives when we are older. The fact that we are in control of our thoughts and our thoughts influence our happiness becomes even more evident. This is especially obvious when our minds drift back to what has happened in the past, or to what might happen in the future.

Happiness is within us. Each of us can find what makes us happy, if we want to. However, sometimes we get lost wallowing in our misery. It seems easier to be a victim of circumstances and place the blame for our misery on others.

Well get over it! If you want to be happy, just BE happy! It is as simple as that.

Hard to believe? Trust me, it can be done. Here are three simple exercises to help you begin.

1. Read the message on the balloon at the top of this page and ask yourself, “How much energy do I waste either regretting something from the past, or worrying about something that might happen today or tomorrow that I have no control over?”

Each time that you begin to worry, feel sad or unhappy, ask yourself whether you can do something about it. Can you prevent an earthquake? No. Can you bring someone back who has died? No. Can you take back cruel words spoken in anger? No. So don’t harbor them. Move on to new thoughts. – Happy thoughts.

2. Project your thinking towards what makes you feel good. Act on what makes you happy. Go for a walk in nature. Invite friends for a tea party. Phone a grandchild or cousin who makes you smile. Do something that makes you feel good.

Tip: When you speak with friends or family and they ask you how you are, simply say, “Fine, thank you.” Think of something interesting and uplifting you can share with them, like how beautiful the sunset was, a book you are reading, or a funny memory that you share. Others like to hear happiness in your voice.

3. Become allergic to the negative people around you. You know the ones I mean. They are the energy vampires who leave you feeling exhausted and depressed because of their negativity. Remove these people from your life. Replace them with people who give you energy, who are positive, supportive and encouraging to you. They are the ones who are already champions at letting go of what they cannot change. Use them as role models.

As you practice these suggestions, you will find that your happiness will increase, as will your age-esteem. You are in control.

Bonnie Fatio

Do you choose how you act or react when an unexpected situation arises? – or – Do you normally accept the situation and suffer the consequences?

Your happiness may depend on how you answered.

In a recent publication of Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, they presented a study run over 25 years in Australia which shows that happiness is based on choice and the life goals that each of us sets.  Happiness is greater for those who know how to choose than it is among those who simply accept life as it happens.

We may not be able to change what happens, but we can choose how we react to what happens.

Bonnie Fatio

Age Esteemers take responsibility for their own happiness.  They know that no one else can make you happy.  Riches cannot make you happy.  You are responsible for your happiness.

There is a lovely saying, « If you want to be happy, just be happy! »  It is as easy as that.  Happiness depends on you.  If you want to be happy, decide to be happy.  Curl up the corners of your mouth.  Put a smile on your face and look up.  It will change your whole perspective.

• Practice smiling.  Smile at yourself in the mirror.  Smile at people you meet.  Smile just for the pleasure of smiling, and see what happens.
• Smile when you wake up in the morning, even before you open your eyes; and make it the last thing you do at night before you drift off to sleep.
• Look for the happiness around you; look for the humor in the day.

Bonnie Fatio

Traditions can also be solo.  Sometimes it is fun to begin a meaningful tradition just for yourself.  It can provide a wonderful  means to pamper yourself by repeating something that you especially enjoy.   This will increase your happiness which also enhances your AgeEsteem.

A tradition can be related to a hobby or sport.

• Fishing on the first day of the season no matter what the weather.
• Getting up to watch the sunrise on the first day of summer.
• Making a collage of photos at the end of each year.
• Giving something you own to someone who needs it on your birthday.
• Treating yourself to a special brunch each Sunday.

Of course these solo traditions may become contagious and  include other people as well.

Do you sometimes look into the mirror and feel unloved?

Try this.  Look through and beyond.

It is very easy for us to forget as we look into the mirror that if the glass we look into had no silver in it, then we would be looking not into a mirror at ourselves but  through a window at others. – And we just might realize how well off we are and how desperately the rest of the world needs our love.

A fear of committing ourselves, of taking a step beyond our own comfort zone, often holds us back from offering to others the kind of uncompromising love exemplified by a newborn.  And it is in offering our love that we receive love.

A happy way to experience age-esteem is to

• look beyond yourself to the needs of others,
• stretch out of your comfort zone and
• find a way to share your talents and love with those less fortunate.

Help Others

An important trait of people with high age-esteem is that they are happy and help others.

After an exhaustive study, the prestigious Pew Society in the United States came to the conclusion that the more people give of themselves to others in terms of time, money or other things, the happier they are. Not only that, they feel that in giving, they are the ones who receive more.

You want to be happy?  Find ways to help others!

• Identify people around you who seem truly happy.
• Interview these people about how they are helping others.  Do they build part of their leisure and/or budget with that purpose?   Even though they don’t normally talk about it spontaneously, you’re bound to find that they are regularly contributing to the lives of others in some way.
• Test the concept personally.  Build in an activity that focuses on others rather than on you.

Help others.  Build your age-esteem and find happiness at every age.

Reach Out: When we reach outwards, thinking of and doing for others, we have less time to dwell on our self. Being involved in a project to help others gives us better perspective and a meaningful purpose. We grow and learn.

• Ask yourself what talents and interests you have that you are not using. How would you like to use these?
• Look for opportunities to contribute at least one hour every two weeks to a school, charity, social service or club. Ask friends, search the Internet, read announcements.
• Make a commitment to contribute your time and talents as the next step to building this dimension of your happiness. It will also enhance your confidence and age-esteem.

If you want to be happy, just be happy!

Play: Why is it that when we become teenagers we decide that certain activities or games are too childish for us? Being silly and playful is wonderful at any age. Play is energizing and creates laughter. It helps us to bond with others of all generations.

• Choose something silly or outrageous that you’ve wanted to do, and do it! Sing in the rain, skip in the park, fly paper airplanes, wear that silly hat that makes you feel happy. Start with something simple and build from there.
• Invite friends for an evening of play: board games, volley ball, or acting out a play. Even those who drag their heels in the beginning will admit they had a good time.

Do you feel like you’re walking a tightrope with all that you have to do and want to do?

Balance your life: Happy people tend to have a balance among exercise, healthy food, positive relationships, adequate sleep, and their main activity (studies, parenting, career, etc.).

• Take a tough look at your own balance. What works well? What is missing? Prioritize the activities you want to build into your schedule.
• Choose priority one to begin this week.
• Decide how to build this activities into your life. Will you drop or reduce another activity? Will you get up earlier? Stay up later?
• Act on this priority to put it in balance with your other activities. As soon as it seems to be in harmony with the others, move on to priority two.