Age Esteem is a basic essential for succeeding in social, economic and religious issues.  We must first feel good about ourselves at the age we are today, every day, if we are to be effective in our relationships with other women, girls, men and boys of all ages.  To be able to contribute our best and to nourish others and help them grow, we must first feel confident about ourselves.

This was reconfirmed by multiple speakers during the Commission on the Status of Women which I attended at the United Nations in New York last month.  The Honorable Mary Robinson, former President of Ireland and United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights was one of these speakers.  Mrs Robinson insisted on our right to dignity and equality, sharing the opening sentence of the preamble to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights that states:

« Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world, »

She emphasized that it is important to combine dignity with human rights.

Dignity

• Represents our inner sense of worth.
• Is relative to the cultural, environmental, social and spiritual.
• Depends on relations with others.
• Is holistic, encompassing all other aspects of life.

To have AgeEsteem is to age with dignity.

Pauline Mawaka in her interview (see March 21, 2010) referred to several secrets to her own AgeEsteem.

• Purpose: When she retired she began the Senior Women Citizens for Change in Kenya to combat the violence against older women.
• Passion:  She lives her passion for helping women.    “Women encourage me, so I keep my energy.”
• Control:  Pauline says, “I control my own life.   I control my thoughts and my body.”
• Sing:  Do something that you love, that lightens your heart.
• Reach out:  Pauline’s purpose is directed towards “shaking the world”, and bettering the lives of Kenyan women.
• Social contact:  She has regular interaction with others through her singing and work.
• Spirituality:  “Knowing that God loves me” makes it possible for her to continue despite difficult situations.

The theme for this year’s  international day, held on March 21, is Empowering Youth to Fight Racism.

A key to eliminating our own discrimination is to feel good about ourselves.  We need to feel secure and confident in ourselves as we are today in order to accept others who are different due to race, religion, culture, age, gender…  AgeEsteem is a key factor to accepting others for who they are and respecting differences.    To empower youth is also to instill age-esteem in their lives.

An AgeEsteem interview* with Pauline Mawaka, 65, Kenyan, Executive Director Of Senior Women Citizens for Change

The following text is in the words of Pauline Mawaka.

“It’s difficult to be 65 in Kenya. If you’ve been working you migh get a small pension.   Because I’m a teacher by profession I get a pension which isn’t enough.  But if an old woman never worked she has nothing.  The older persons in our communities rely on the younger people, but the young people these days are not employed.  Many are without jobs.  When our young people are not employed the elderly people and the entire family suffer.

We believe that when we educate our children they must move on with their life. – And even if our children are working we should not rely on them for support.  Even though you are retired and get a little money which will not cover your usual needs to maintain your life.  Sometimes you must go to the hospital because you are ailing. It is very difficult even for these educated children to support the older people.  What we do is encourage older people to begin income generating activities, but we don’t have funds for that.

By necessity you become independent.

I have lived in the city for a long time and the work I do now with senior women is because I am in the city, but I also do a lot of work in the rural area.  I have gone to the grass roots and met many women who are retired.  Often they are idle; they have no activity because they fear they are lost.  I am a teacher and I try to help these women.

Most of us women are violated in our lives.  It is especially the husband who violates and there are issues of rape and incest.  It effects the older women, some of whom have been raped by their own sons.  Women have been raped while going to the market.  Women my age.  They say nothing.  Most of them who have this violence are afraid to speak.  At their age people think they are mad.  Its important to create awareness and to break the silence, so they are talking.  They are telling somebody.

When we retire we are considered old.   I retired at 55, that is the law of Kenya.

The average person lives to 55.  Few live to 80.  When people retire they become idle and die before their time.  They don’t even have enough money to take care of themselves, but this improves with time.  We encourage them to do something after retirement.  Like me I am 65 and I am thinking of living longer.”

This personal interview took place in Nairobi, Kenya. The interview with Pauline Mawaka continues tomorrow.

The Inter-generational Effect with Bonnie Fatio (l) and Arda Aghazarian (r)

CSW 2010: All about the Inter-generational Factor
by World YWCA Communications Intern Anandi Smith

CSW 2010 Age Esteem and World YWCA

Walking into the Global Action on Aging Office on March 2, 2010 I get a warm greeting from the facilitators Bonnie Fatio and Arda Aghazarian. The office space is beautiful with silk hangings on the wall and large windows. From the front you can see a spectacular view of the UN building and the river.

Women of all ages file in and there appears to be a large number of women from World YWCA CSW 2010 delegation wearing the infamous fuchsia pink scarves. Swiss chocolates, which people make, an immediate dive for is passed around as people start to settle in their seats.

Bonnie Fatio, Age Esteem founder and author introduces the meeting. She wants to create an atmosphere where “age and aging are celebrated”. She tells us that ‘age esteem’ is where she wants to make her dream a reality and wants to encourage and portray a positive attitude towards ageing.

Arda Aghazarian,YWCA in Palestine staff and World YWCA Board member, introduces herself and asks us about our thoughts on age esteem. Numerous people respond and there seems to be a mutual agreement that in society today we are not encouraged to celebrate getting older. In the media for example we seem to be constantly bombarded with products and images to keep us young. Sarah Davies comments that there are certain expectations around age and if we do not abide by them people can be quick to judge. Doris Salah says “the word esteem, you don’t loose your esteem when you grow.”

Bonnie Fatio says “ the relationship to age that we carry follows us everywhere”, negative attitudes such as “old is bad and youth is dynamic” are not healthy. The facilitators tell us that they all want us to participate in an exercise, which will be measured in a symbolic way. Bonnie and Arda stand up at the front of the room and tell us to look at them hypothetically. We are told to raise our right or left hands when different words are used to describe woman. We are told to close our eyes, words such as ‘healthy, intelligent, beautiful wise’ come up and people point in different directions. What we find through this exercise is that you really have to be quite judgmental and ageist when deciding who to choose. Most of the words called out suit both women so people find themselves pointing in both directions. Through the exercise we find that there is a hidden ageism bias in all of us.

The conversation goes onto human rights and how dignity is a part of inner worth. Bonnie asks us how we should grow as leaders and that we should include young women. She says that one should not wipe out the other. Almost on cue Mildred Persinger walks in. (Now 92, Mildred has been a leader of women’s rights for several generations.)  Bonnie goes on to say that a sign of leadership is not passing the torch on but starting a flame that the younger generations can carry for themselves and light others. Getting older should be celebrated.

We then move off into pairs for another exercise and discuss what we gain from either older or younger women. My partner is Bonnie, she describes to me that “ young people have a different energy, they go by a different pace, vocabulary and are a constant learning experience. I tell her that I can learn a lot from older women they have been through all the things I am going through now and I can learn from them.

The thoughts that we are left with at the end of the seminar are how we can work with the older generation and as women we are not pushing a transition of new leaders. We are expected to evaluate and judge people ages but we need to look at it positively. Bonnie gives us a weekly challenge, which is to keep a personal talk diary for one week. It is to look at what we are saying through our mouths and thoughts and to turn our negative thoughts into positive ones. At the end of the session there are relaxed and happy faces all around. I think that the group has learned a lot from the exercises and will not be so quick to judge someone based on their age group and celebrate growing old. I know I will.

Clint Eastwood

Isn’t it refreshing to see that this month’s top films include veteran actresses and actors? – And that they are starring in roles featuring their mature ages?

In these “Must See Films” we find Meryll Streep (60), Morgan Freeman (73),  Alec Baldwin (52), Steve Martin (65), with Colin Firth (50), and George Clooney who at 49 is bringing maturity to his charm.   Will he manage to cultivate the same charm that Clint Eastwood oozes at 80?

It takes AgeEsteem on the part of these icons of cinema to “act their age” on the screen, and to become real role models for us.  Thank you!

AgeEsteem touches people of ALL ages.

When a friend’s son was about to turn 16, he went through a terrible stage of insecurity.  He was convinced that no one liked him.  He didn’t feel a part of his peer group.  He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do or that he was even good at anything.

My reaction was to purchase a variety of cards and rummage through drawers at home to find more.  The end result was a real mix of styles and messages.  I then gave a stamped envelope and card to multiple friends and colleagues asking them to simply address the card in their own handwriting and to sign it with just their first name, or one that they thought would be fun to find on a card.  The outcome was a flood of 15 birthday cards.

A few weeks later I bumped into his mother and asked how her son’s birthday had turned out.  She explained it had gone very well.   Her son had received lots of cards, some from people he thought he knew; others he was less sure about.  He figured one of the girls at school whom he likes must have spread the word about his birthday.  His mother said that it had cut through his depressive mood to know friends cared.  He was feeling better about himself.

Did I ever let on that I was responsible?  Absolutely not!  This is one time when the mystery had to be lasting.

There are times when it is effective to remain anonymous, but not always.  It is for you to decide.

AgeEsteem is loving yourself at the age you are today so you can share love with others, either anonymously or openly.

What a wonderful invention Valentine’s Day is!

It nudges us with encouragement  to express love.  On the 14th of February we step out of our regular routine to remind friends and family that we love them.  They are important to us.

Lacy cards with poems, bouquets of red roses, candies that say Be My Valentine, and heart shaped boxes filled with chocolates are just some of the ways we express our feelings to tell  people they’re special.

Letting others know that you are thinking of them and that you care is healthy for your AgeEsteem.  You focus on

• People who you love of all ages
• The blessings of friends and family
• Reaching out to others
• Renewing and strengthening contacts
• Creating or finding the right message
• Celebrating happiness

Meryl Streep

It’s so refreshing to have an actress who is not afraid to act her age.   Meryl Streep is an icon of AgeEsteem.  She glows from the inside, plays roles that make her seem real rather than beautiful (though beautiful she is!), appears in public looking like someone we would like to meet and sit down for coffee and laugh with rather than Ms Perfection Celebrity.   Her laughter alone captures your heart.

In the film It’s Complicated, she plays the role of a woman who has been left for a younger woman only to have her former husband fall in love with her once again ten years later.   She doesn’t try to dress or act younger, but flaunts her mature femininity and sexuality that is so attractive and appealing.  Somehow we almost feel sorry for her old husband who is unable to keep up with his younger wife and her son.

Great AgeEsteem lessons come out of It’s Complicated :

• If life is complicated, it is because we make it so.
• When we are blind sided by circumstances we gather our own internal forces and move forward.
• You are not the same person today that you were yesterday.
• Social life with friends and family is important.
• We are responsible for our own actions.
• Humor is delicious and healing.
• Having a purpose and loving what we do keeps us focused on positives.
• Values need to be taken seriously.
• Love is real at all ages.

What a bummer to be settled into your seat for a trans-Atlantic flight only to learn that due to engine trouble you are headed back to the gate. – And you must remain aboard  during  two hours of mechanical repairs!  That’s what just happened to us on our return flight to Europe.

And yet, what ended up as a four hour delay also turned out to be an enlightening experience.

Not being one to sit quietly, I stood in the aisle and began chatting with  people.   I even interviewed several on what the term AgeEsteem meant to them as they heard it for the first time.  It’s a great icebreaker as well as an interesting source of information.

These spontaneous conversations also highlighted  the dedication and concern ordinary people have for others.  So much goodness around us.  Among the people I spoke with were two women on their way to Uganda for two weeks to work in a project with children who are HIV positive.  One was a student in International Studies for whom it would be her first experience in Africa.  It was a second trip to the project for the other woman, a banker using her vacation to work at the project.  Her first trip working with these children had changed her whole outlook, giving her a new perspective.on life.  She was eager to return.

Another very special conversation was with a Sister en route « home » to Tanzania where she heads an orphanage for children with Leprosy.  Leprosy is still a very real disease in many parts of the world and the work of this Sister with children and parents who live with Leprosy daily is changing lives and giving hope.

When the announcement came to return to our seats for take-off I was actually disappointed.  It was so inspiring to exchange experiences and life philosophies with these people.  Especially knowing within me that whether or not we ever see each other again, we have each received a gift. – The gift of sharing dreams of a better world.