If I Had My Life To Live Over

Written by Erma Bombeck

“If I had my life to live over, I would have talked less and listened more. I would have invited friends over to dinner even if the carpet was stained and the sofa faded. I would have eaten the popcorn in the ‘good’ living room and worried much less about the dirt when someone wanted to light a fire in the fireplace.

I would have taken the time to listen to my grandfather ramble about his youth. I would never have insisted the car windows be rolled up on a summer day because my hair had just been teased and sprayed. I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.

I would have sat on the lawn with my children and not worried about grass stains. I would have cried and laughed less while watching television – and more while watching life.

I would have shared more of the responsibility carried by my husband. I would have gone to bed when I was sick instead of pretending the earth would go into a holding pattern if I weren’t there for the day.

I would never have bought anything just because it was practical, wouldn’t show soil or was guaranteed to last a lifetime.

Instead of wishing away nine months of pregnancy, I’d have cherished every moment and realized that the wonderment growing inside me was the only chance in life to assist God in a miracle.

When my kids kissed me impetuously, I would never have said, “Later. Now go get washed up for dinner.” There would have been more “I love you’s”.. More “I’m sorrys” …

But mostly, given another shot at life, I would seize every minute… look at it and really see it … live it…and never give it back.

Erma Bombeck wrote this when she knew that she had a fatal disease. It is filled with loving advice for each of us, at every age and stage. 

Bonnie Fatio

The Best Anti-Aging Cream

“The best anti-aging cream is ice cream. What other food makes you feel like you’re 8 years old again?” – Anon

Ice cream is also a wonderful way to bond among the generations. Everyone seems to enjoy sharing an ice cream cone or a sundae. We still enjoy churning our own ice cream.

Bonnie Fatio

The Beauty of Older Women

“So much has been said and sung of beautiful young girls, why doesn’t somebody wake up to the beauty of old women?” – Harriet Beecher Stowe, American Abolitionist and Author

Harriet Beecher Stowe lived from 1811 to 1896. Her quote leads one to believe that very little has changed in the views toward aging, yet aging has transformed greatly during past years. We are healthier, more vital and remain engaged in life as older women. We live our ages with more confidence and age-esteem, and transcend a beauty that only we can bring.

Bonnie Fatio

An Intergenerational Vacation

Why is it that so many older people book cruises for their vacations?

When my husband and I took a cruise in the Caribbean I found many answers to this question.

Despite the fact that cruises are not free, they can be relatively inexpensive if you book last minute deals, or very early. Since almost everything is included in the price, you can get by without investing in extras.

And there are bonus advantages:

• You stay in the same room and only need to unpack and repack once. – Your temporary home carries you to your multiple destinations.
• The food includes all dietary wishes.
• Multiple activities are available to play, learn and exercise.
• Ease of contact with people of all ages.

If you choose to, you can interact with little ones and teenagers as well as those closer to your own age or older than you.

I believe this last point is especially important to feel confident and competent as you age. A key to age esteem is to be in contact with people of other generations and cultures. It is an excellent way to gain a new perspective and understand what is important to younger and older people, as well as have an opportunity to share your own views.

Why is this important for your age esteem? When we interact with people of other ages, rather than isolate ourselves with adults of our own era, we become comfortable being with and dialoging with other generations. Take teenagers for instance. If we do not have regular contact with teenagers, we can easily be more critical of them simply because we do not understand how they see the world. When we take time to converse with them and listen to their interests and ideas, we begin to appreciate who they really are. We no longer categorize them as having the same traits simply because they are teenagers. Instead we get to know them as individuals. – And they see us as unique individuals as well.

My dad used to open conversation with young people easily. He was genuinely curious and interested to know what they thought. Sometimes the youth would be leery of him in the beginning, but they soon found themselves in conversation. They could tell that his interest was sincere. It may not be as simple as that for people who are more timid. However, vacation is a great time to be with, and get acquainted with others of all ages.

Bonnie Fatio

Working Across Generations

One answer to working together across generations is Shared Intergenerational Leadership.

Why is this effective?

By working with others of diverse generations through sharing responsibilities, for instance leading a project, meeting or training, we learn how others function and think.

Rather than watch the other person perform in a way that annoys us, we are forced to open our mind. We have the natural opportunity to ask why they suggest something or prefer to work in a way that may seem foreign to us.

A personal incident that comes to mind took place when I was running an Intergenerational Dialogue at a Conference in Colombia with a young woman in her twenties from Trinidad Tobago. As we were discussing how notes would be recorded at each able she said, “They can also Tweet!”

My initial reaction was, “How rude!” Imagine people tweeting while you are sharing your idea. I am not proud to say that I missed this opportunity to sit on my mouth and to say nothing. However I did immediately ask further questions. I do, after all, tweet.

As a result, when we shared the leadership of this Intergenerational Dialogue I found myself encouraging participants to also tweet using the hash tag of the conference.

I learned something, the other person’s idea was valued, and it added to the richness of the dialogue process. Rather than trying to pigeonhole the other person into the characteristics of her generation, we each actively listened to the ideas of the other and acted together, sharing leadership intergenerationally. Each of us benefited in the process.

These experiences further enhance my own leadership style and confidence, and therefore my age esteem.

Bonnie Fatio

Generational Differences Are Unavoidable

Generational differences have always existed. Just look back and ask yourself questions about how your views and way of operating were different from your parents and grandparents. If you had conflicts with either generation, what were these disagreements based on? – And not just when you were a teen-ager. Also look at your own adult years.

Differences among generations are unavoidable. We are born and raised in very different times.

I continue to admire the generation of my grandparents who witnessed the first car, the first human walking on the moon and the first computer. They also experienced two world wars and the Great Depression.

My own generation was born during the Second World War, watched the first televisions in our homes, and later, computers. We were also influenced by the Civil Rights Movement, the war in Viet Nam, JFK, Martin Luther King, and Mahatma Gandhi. Milk and eggs were delivered directly to our door, which was rarely locked. Games were invented with what we found to play with. We knew all the neighbors by name and they would scold us if we did something bad. Meals were eaten sitting around the family table together with lively discussions. We had chores and found it normal to participate, even if we did complain.

Those of you who are younger may find this a bit odd, but times were different. It is no wonder that our perceptions vary, sometimes greatly.

So how to work and live together becomes the question. It is a question that people with Age Esteem are eager to answer. They know that an important key to Age Esteem is to have contact with people of diverse generations.

No matter what your age, ask yourself the following question. “Who do you have in your life who are from older and younger generations?”

If you find it difficult to name these people, I suggest that you act now to bring people of other generations into your life.

Bonnie Fatio

Age Esteem = Regular Interaction with People of All Ages

An important quality of Age Esteem is to have regular interaction with people of all ages. – To relate to the full span of ages.

This used to be a natural aspect of living. Three, even four generations within a family often lived under the same roof, and still do in many countries today. It provided a natural relationship among different generations with each understanding his or her role within the family.

Of course it was not always easy, but neither is it necessarily easy to live within a mono-generational community. In both cases we need to know how to accept and respect each other.

We also learn from each other. The older ones give us a reference to be able to put the ups and downs of life into perspective as we make our own life decisions. They provide examples as role models.

Younger generations keep us current. What matters to youth today? How do they view the world? What is the meaning of their favorite music and games?

When we esteem ourselves at the age we are, this age esteem comes in part from recognizing the value of our age, in relation to ourselves and in relation to others.

Working and interacting intergenerationally helps us to gain the necessary perspective to recognize our own value at the age we are.

Bonnie Fatio

Intergenerational Diversity

 A quality of Age Esteemers is to have regular contact with people of all ages. I would also extend this to include diverse backgrounds and cultures.

We live in a world today where we can no longer simply sit back and live as though there is no evolution and we can live with the status quo. The world constantly evolving: technology is advancing, health care is making tremendous inroads concerning our bodies and minds and how to keep them healthy, education includes topics that were not yet dreamed of when we were children.

It is an exciting time to be alive!

One way to make the most of it and to keep up with worldviews and events is to speak and interact with people of diverse backgrounds and from other cultures.

• Ask questions,
• Share your traditions with them and allow them to share theirs with you,
• Invite them to see photos of your life and perhaps the lives of your ancestors and take the time to view their own photos and
• Share the stories that highlight each of your lives.

As you get to know each other better and to understand both your differences and similarities, you will grow in appreciation and tolerance of those differences and find new complementarities among your similarities. Instead of criticizing each other, you will be able to value the other person for the qualities she has.

Bonnie Fatio

Age Esteem Lessons From A Newborn

Lessons From Lucy

We are delighted to have a new baby in our extended family. A dear friend who we consider part of our family recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl named Lucy.

Besides being overwhelmed with love as I held Lucy in my arms, fed her, changed her, and watched her wiggle, look at me, and then sleep, I realized that she had lessons to teach us. – Lessons for Age Esteem.

Let me share Lucy’s lessons for Age Esteem with you here.

• Unconditional acceptance. Accept people for who they are with both their flaws and finer qualities, knowing that they are doing what they believe is best. Accept the love of others.
• Let others know when you need something. Whereas Lucy must cry to let us know she is hungry or needs to be changed, we are able to express words and gestures. Although we have been brought up to believe that it is more blessed to give than to receive, remember that someone has to receive in order for others to give. Ask for what you want and need.
• Sleep when you are tired. It is okay to nap during the day.
• Drink a lot.
• Keep moving. Exercise your muscles. Wiggle and stretch.
• Take time to be quiet and tune into the world around you with its colors, odors and textures. Feel the breeze and the heat of the sun.
• Learn something new every day.

If you practice Lucy’s lessons, you will feel better mentally, spiritually and physically. You will age better and you will enhance your age esteem.

Bonnie Fatio

 Happy Mother’s Day To All Women

My mother was an exceptional, loving, positive, intelligent and gifted woman. Each memory of her is special. I am thankful that she was my mother and for all she taught me and the example she provided.

I am equally thankful for the other women who were my guides, teachers, supporters and role models. Many of them were not “mothers” as a result of giving birth; however each mothered me in some way. The same is true for our daughter. Many other women play an important role in her life. For both of us these other precious women were, and continue to be, teachers, scout leaders, aunts, cousins, godmothers, and friends who step in to show the way and to advise and model.

To each of these women and to each of you I say, “Happy Mothers Day!”

Bonnie Fatio