When I cheerfully wished a friend Happy Valentine’s Day, her response surprised me. She moaned, “Ha! Maybe it’s a Happy Valentine’s Day for you, but I have no one to love”.

Her response set me thinking. Is it possible to have no one to love? It is true that with aging comes the loss of loved ones, often a change in where we live and our activities. These can bring the feelings of loneliness and even abandonment, leading to depression. It may seem to us that we have no one to love, but is it really possible to have no one to love?

If this is true, then how can we change the situation? How can we find others to care for and love? In my book, AgeEsteem, the chapter on The Power of Purpose opens with this personal quote: “Having a purpose enables us to step outside of our own needs and problems, to focus on new opportunities and to renew our energy as we take action”. Scientific research and my own personal experience shows that to have that sense of belonging, of being loved and loving others, we must have a purpose in our lives, a reason to get up in the morning and to look forward to the day.

The trick is to reach out to others. Find a volunteer activity where you can benefit others with your talents and personality. Do you like children and have energy to care for them? Why not help a neighbor with her little ones once or twice a week? Many children are begging for help with their homework. Youth are in need of older mentors to guide them. Join a team to fold flyers or decorate for a party. Read to the blind. Opportunities are countless once you begin to look into volunteering.

Nothing is more fulfilling than to think that you have benefited the life of another. Seek your immediate purpose. Forget about yourself for a minute and reach out to others. Richard Branson, multi-billionaire, says that what gets him up in the morning is the idea of being able to make a difference. Doris Blunt, a retired school teacher, would get up with a smile each morning because she was the “sunshine” of the home she lived in. We each have a purpose. Find yours, and you will also find someone to love.

Bonnie Fatio

Each day of this new year will bring new opportunities and experiences to be experienced and savored.

Do you look forward to each day?

One of my favorite AgeEsteem mentors and friends was Doris Blunt.  Doris was a woman of amazing inner faith and strength.  She always seemed to be bubbling over with happiness and interest.  Yet she had buried two husbands, both of whom she had accompanied through Alzheimer’s in their last years.

When I asked Doris how she remained so enthusiastic and happy she offered me the following secrets to her happiness.

• When you wake up in the morning you have choices.  You can listen to the birds and give thanks for the day as a new blessing and get up to greet the day or you can lie in bed and feel bitter about your aches and pains.  She chose the first.
• Remind yourself that whether you have a good day or a bad day depends on you and the attitude that you bring to it.  She brought a positive attitude which began when she first awoke.
• Decide what your purpose for the day is.  Doris was the sunshine of the home where she lived, so she always put on her sunniest smile when she left her room.  She said that although her smile was not always genuine when she put it on, it definitely became real by the time she met another person.  In fact her smile became infectious.  Others returned it!

These are simple yet powerful pointers for each of us to enhance our age esteem and positive attitudes to live happier lives.  Let’s look forward to each day!

Bonnie Fatio