As grandparents we try hard not to spoil our grandchildren with “things”.  Instead, we offer them endless unconditional love, educational experiences, happy memories filled with fun and adventure.   As much as we laugh together and play together, we remain their grandparents.  This is important for their age esteem as much as it is for ours.

Recent studies at Yale University, USA and the National Institute on Aging in the USA show that the attitude that children have towards aging influences how they feel about age when they become older.  This means that our attitude towards our own age is an important factor for our little ones later in their lives as well as today.

In order to offer unconditional love to our grandchildren, we must love ourselves unconditionally.  This indicates that we love ourselves at the age we are and celebrate ourselves as well as our grandchildren.   Children feel this sincerity and what we get in return are

• lopsided hugs and sticky kisses,
• pet names that only a child could chose,
• questions and statements that melt our hearts,
• a chance to rediscover life through new eyes, and
• the privilege of knowing we are important in very unique and important ways to our grandchildren.

Age esteem is the perfect gift for every occasion.

For the last two years I have dyed Easter eggs with our granddaughter, Jessica.  Jessica is now almost three, so it was especially enjoyable dying eggs together this year.  It was so much fun that when I saw her last week she announced, “I want to color eggs today.”

As I opened my mouth to explain that we only color eggs for Easter, I abruptly closed it.  Why shouldn’t we paint eggs at other times of the year?   It is a good example of how we place limits on ourselves and nip creativity and an open mind.  Here I was about to instill a limit on the same child who I want to become confident, setting her sights high knowing that she can do anything she sets her mind to.

It shook me up.  Am I also influencing her age-esteem?

Our AgeEsteem is greatly influenced by limiting thoughts.  Examples abound with messages bombarding us showing us that youth is associated with opportunities  and age with obstacles.  Youth is freedom, age is a burden.  These limiting concepts are cemented into our minds. –  Even though we know these messages are not true.   Who says we shouldn’t travel alone, drive a race car, climb mountains, start a new business…?

Break down your personal limiting barriers.

• Listen to yourself when you speak out loud and to your thoughts.
• Filter your messages.  Are they limiting what you think can be done?
• Ask yourself why you think this way.  Has someone fed you this message often so you now believe it?
• Make a list of these limiting beliefs.
• Act on them.  Just do what you have previously limited yourself to believe you could or should not do.

My granddaughter and I will color eggs again next week.  Sometimes changing a limiting belief  is as simple as that!

An AgeEsteem interview* with Pauline Mawaka, 65, Kenyan, Executive Director Of Senior Women Citizens for Change

The following text is in the words of Pauline Mawaka.

“It’s difficult to be 65 in Kenya. If you’ve been working you migh get a small pension.   Because I’m a teacher by profession I get a pension which isn’t enough.  But if an old woman never worked she has nothing.  The older persons in our communities rely on the younger people, but the young people these days are not employed.  Many are without jobs.  When our young people are not employed the elderly people and the entire family suffer.

We believe that when we educate our children they must move on with their life. – And even if our children are working we should not rely on them for support.  Even though you are retired and get a little money which will not cover your usual needs to maintain your life.  Sometimes you must go to the hospital because you are ailing. It is very difficult even for these educated children to support the older people.  What we do is encourage older people to begin income generating activities, but we don’t have funds for that.

By necessity you become independent.

I have lived in the city for a long time and the work I do now with senior women is because I am in the city, but I also do a lot of work in the rural area.  I have gone to the grass roots and met many women who are retired.  Often they are idle; they have no activity because they fear they are lost.  I am a teacher and I try to help these women.

Most of us women are violated in our lives.  It is especially the husband who violates and there are issues of rape and incest.  It effects the older women, some of whom have been raped by their own sons.  Women have been raped while going to the market.  Women my age.  They say nothing.  Most of them who have this violence are afraid to speak.  At their age people think they are mad.  Its important to create awareness and to break the silence, so they are talking.  They are telling somebody.

When we retire we are considered old.   I retired at 55, that is the law of Kenya.

The average person lives to 55.  Few live to 80.  When people retire they become idle and die before their time.  They don’t even have enough money to take care of themselves, but this improves with time.  We encourage them to do something after retirement.  Like me I am 65 and I am thinking of living longer.”

This personal interview took place in Nairobi, Kenya. The interview with Pauline Mawaka continues tomorrow.

Are you a good listener?

Grandparents play an important role as listeners for their grandchildren.  Studies show that an activity with their grandparents most often mentioned by adolescents  is discussing what is on their mind.  Apparently we grandparents are good listeners.  –  But do we listen well enough to the non-verbal as well as the verbal?

At a presentation during a Commission on the Status of Women parallel session last week I heard a 13 year old girl explain that she had been sexually abused for seven years.   The abuser was a family member as is often the case.   She could not bring herself to tell her own mother.   She had no one to confide in.  She explained to us that it was easier for her to now tell us, the audience, than it had been to tell her mother.

No child should experience abuse and no child should have to carry the burden alone, having no one to confide in.

Would you have guessed that something was wrong  if this girl had been your grandchild?  To be truly good listeners for our grandchildren, we need to:

• Love our grandchildren unconditionally; let them know we love them  and will stand by them no matter what happens.
• Really listen to what they say and discuss without judgment.
• Listen actively: nod our head; ask questions that show interest; repeat what the child says; say “hmm” or “I see”.
• Tune into what is not verbally expressed, the child’s body language.   We may even copy her gestures.  Are they congruent with what he says?
• With smaller children, play dolls or stuffed animals with them.   Be conscious of what they are saying as they act and talk with their dolls.
• Remember that good listening and encouragement to share their own thoughts and concerns helps to build your grandchildren’s age-esteem.

AgeEsteem touches people of ALL ages.

When a friend’s son was about to turn 16, he went through a terrible stage of insecurity.  He was convinced that no one liked him.  He didn’t feel a part of his peer group.  He wasn’t sure what he wanted to do or that he was even good at anything.

My reaction was to purchase a variety of cards and rummage through drawers at home to find more.  The end result was a real mix of styles and messages.  I then gave a stamped envelope and card to multiple friends and colleagues asking them to simply address the card in their own handwriting and to sign it with just their first name, or one that they thought would be fun to find on a card.  The outcome was a flood of 15 birthday cards.

A few weeks later I bumped into his mother and asked how her son’s birthday had turned out.  She explained it had gone very well.   Her son had received lots of cards, some from people he thought he knew; others he was less sure about.  He figured one of the girls at school whom he likes must have spread the word about his birthday.  His mother said that it had cut through his depressive mood to know friends cared.  He was feeling better about himself.

Did I ever let on that I was responsible?  Absolutely not!  This is one time when the mystery had to be lasting.

There are times when it is effective to remain anonymous, but not always.  It is for you to decide.

AgeEsteem is loving yourself at the age you are today so you can share love with others, either anonymously or openly.

The Blewfield Clan

What a wonderful time post retirement seems to be for the cousins at the reunion in Paducah.   Everyone seems to be developing or focusing on genuine  interests.  And varied they are!

• Suzanne, who still works part-time in a law office  is submersed in the family genealogy and can trace her branch back to the Mayflower several times.  She is now writing a book about it.
• Bill, who is a retired professor and Fullbright Scholar, lives with poetry and has one of the best poetry resources, www.unf.edu/mudlark/
• Doreen complements working part-time as a mentor to student teachers with her passion for theater and acting on the local stage.
• Don “recycled” to become a pastor and acts as interim minister to congregations.  He also lives his passion as a cookie creator at the local bakery.
• Rose and David sold their house and now live in a motor home to experience new places across the nation.  Rose is a writer and David a photographer and using these passions.
• Gerard focuses on renewable energy and is sought out as an expert to speak and advise.   He also volunteers on clean water projects in Africa.
• Jeanie continues to nurse ailing birds, something that she has always done and is not ready to leave.  She loves what she does.

And this is just part of the cousins!

It is never too early or too late to develop your interests and passion.  It is an important aspect of personal age-esteem to love what you do.  It is a real elixir to building confidence and feeling vital.

When I told friends we were headed to “Paducah”, they thought it was an exotic island or a joke.

Actually it is neither.  Paducah, Kentucky is hometown to two cousins.  We were going there to meet up with the Blewfield clan of cousins.   As children growing up in the Midwest, we spent a week each year with cousins in LaPorte, Indiana.  We swam, boated, had hamburger eating contests, and played from dawn til dark.  It was a highlight of summer.

Now 60 years later we still look forward to being together. The Cousin’s Reunion has become a tradition with a different person taking on the organization every two years.

This year a conversation revolved around benefits of being older.  –  Especially living our passions, investing time in work and activities we truly love and that build our confidence and age-esteem.

• We feel vibant and involved in new ways.
• People seek us out.  Our strengths are recognized and sought after.
• We are involved in amazing activities that give meaning to our lives.
• We are more tolerant and understanding, no longer sweating the small stuff.
• Our lives have greater perspective.

AgeEsteem will become even more important with the current demographic  predicted to continue well into the coming centuries.

• One out of every ten persons is now 60 years or above; by 2050, one out of five will be 60 years or older; and by 2150, one out of three persons will be 60 years or older.
• The older population itself is ageing. The oldest old (80 years or older) is the fastest growing segment of the older population. They currently make up 13 percent of the 60+ age group and will grow to 20 percent by 2050.
• The number of centenarians (aged 100 years or older) is projected to increase 14-fold from approximately 265,000 in 2005 to 3.7 million by 2050.
• The majority of older persons (55 percent) are women. Among the oldest old, 64 percent are women.

Source: Population Division, Department of Economic and Social Affairs, United Nations Secretariat

To read more:  United Nations Program on Aging

Salute to Dr. Norman Borlaug

During this week of celebrating older persons, I would like to honor Dr. Norman Borlaug, a man who has marked our world and inspired many though he has never sought praise.  I was privileged to serve on the Board of Legacy® with him.  Dr. Borlaug was a true AgeEsteemer.   Even in his nineties he worked for what he believed to be most important – feeding the world as a means to promote peace.

Dr. Borlaug, a scientist and recipient of the 1970 Nobel Peace Prize,  developed a type of wheat that is credited with saving up to 1 billion people from starvation.  He was known as the father of the “green revolution“, which many experts say averted global famine during the second half of the last century.  More on Dr. Borlaug

Many older people inspire us and lead us in new directions.

Who would you like to honor during this week of celebration?

“Ageing is a development issue. Healthy older persons are a resource for their families, their communities and the economy.”   WHO Brasilia declaration on healthy aging, 1996.

Older people  increasingly play a critical role – through volunteer work, transmitting experience and knowledge, helping their families with caring responsibilities and increasing their participation in the paid labor force.

This is the 10th anniversary of Older People’s Day being celebrated by the United Nations and many countries of the world.  Let us salute the older people who are doing so much to make this world a better place.