As grandparents we try hard not to spoil our grandchildren with “things”.  Instead, we offer them endless unconditional love, educational experiences, happy memories filled with fun and adventure.   As much as we laugh together and play together, we remain their grandparents.  This is important for their age esteem as much as it is for ours.

Recent studies at Yale University, USA and the National Institute on Aging in the USA show that the attitude that children have towards aging influences how they feel about age when they become older.  This means that our attitude towards our own age is an important factor for our little ones later in their lives as well as today.

In order to offer unconditional love to our grandchildren, we must love ourselves unconditionally.  This indicates that we love ourselves at the age we are and celebrate ourselves as well as our grandchildren.   Children feel this sincerity and what we get in return are

• lopsided hugs and sticky kisses,
• pet names that only a child could chose,
• questions and statements that melt our hearts,
• a chance to rediscover life through new eyes, and
• the privilege of knowing we are important in very unique and important ways to our grandchildren.

Age esteem is the perfect gift for every occasion.

For the last two years I have dyed Easter eggs with our granddaughter, Jessica.  Jessica is now almost three, so it was especially enjoyable dying eggs together this year.  It was so much fun that when I saw her last week she announced, “I want to color eggs today.”

As I opened my mouth to explain that we only color eggs for Easter, I abruptly closed it.  Why shouldn’t we paint eggs at other times of the year?   It is a good example of how we place limits on ourselves and nip creativity and an open mind.  Here I was about to instill a limit on the same child who I want to become confident, setting her sights high knowing that she can do anything she sets her mind to.

It shook me up.  Am I also influencing her age-esteem?

Our AgeEsteem is greatly influenced by limiting thoughts.  Examples abound with messages bombarding us showing us that youth is associated with opportunities  and age with obstacles.  Youth is freedom, age is a burden.  These limiting concepts are cemented into our minds. –  Even though we know these messages are not true.   Who says we shouldn’t travel alone, drive a race car, climb mountains, start a new business…?

Break down your personal limiting barriers.

• Listen to yourself when you speak out loud and to your thoughts.
• Filter your messages.  Are they limiting what you think can be done?
• Ask yourself why you think this way.  Has someone fed you this message often so you now believe it?
• Make a list of these limiting beliefs.
• Act on them.  Just do what you have previously limited yourself to believe you could or should not do.

My granddaughter and I will color eggs again next week.  Sometimes changing a limiting belief  is as simple as that!

Are you a good listener?

Grandparents play an important role as listeners for their grandchildren.  Studies show that an activity with their grandparents most often mentioned by adolescents  is discussing what is on their mind.  Apparently we grandparents are good listeners.  –  But do we listen well enough to the non-verbal as well as the verbal?

At a presentation during a Commission on the Status of Women parallel session last week I heard a 13 year old girl explain that she had been sexually abused for seven years.   The abuser was a family member as is often the case.   She could not bring herself to tell her own mother.   She had no one to confide in.  She explained to us that it was easier for her to now tell us, the audience, than it had been to tell her mother.

No child should experience abuse and no child should have to carry the burden alone, having no one to confide in.

Would you have guessed that something was wrong  if this girl had been your grandchild?  To be truly good listeners for our grandchildren, we need to:

• Love our grandchildren unconditionally; let them know we love them  and will stand by them no matter what happens.
• Really listen to what they say and discuss without judgment.
• Listen actively: nod our head; ask questions that show interest; repeat what the child says; say “hmm” or “I see”.
• Tune into what is not verbally expressed, the child’s body language.   We may even copy her gestures.  Are they congruent with what he says?
• With smaller children, play dolls or stuffed animals with them.   Be conscious of what they are saying as they act and talk with their dolls.
• Remember that good listening and encouragement to share their own thoughts and concerns helps to build your grandchildren’s age-esteem.

The average age of a first time grandparent in North America today is 48.

With today’s life expectancy being  78 in North America, (as opposed to 81.5 in Iceland and 41 in Zimbabwe) many of us may have 30 years or more of grandparenting ahead of us.   So  the question of how we want to fill the role of grandparent becomes an important one.

This is especially true since as today’s grandparents we are likely to be more educated than previous generations and also be active, self-confident with age-esteem and more globally aware.  We still have places to see and dreams to live.  Grand-parenting is just one role among many.