As grandparents we try hard not to spoil our grandchildren with “things”.  Instead, we offer them endless unconditional love, educational experiences, happy memories filled with fun and adventure.   As much as we laugh together and play together, we remain their grandparents.  This is important for their age esteem as much as it is for ours.

Recent studies at Yale University, USA and the National Institute on Aging in the USA show that the attitude that children have towards aging influences how they feel about age when they become older.  This means that our attitude towards our own age is an important factor for our little ones later in their lives as well as today.

In order to offer unconditional love to our grandchildren, we must love ourselves unconditionally.  This indicates that we love ourselves at the age we are and celebrate ourselves as well as our grandchildren.   Children feel this sincerity and what we get in return are

• lopsided hugs and sticky kisses,
• pet names that only a child could chose,
• questions and statements that melt our hearts,
• a chance to rediscover life through new eyes, and
• the privilege of knowing we are important in very unique and important ways to our grandchildren.

Age esteem is the perfect gift for every occasion.

Bonnie Across-generations, Grandparenting, Happiness at Every Age age-esteem, attitude, celebrate, grandchildren, grandparents, National Institute on Aging, perfect gift, unconditional love, Yale

Are you a good listener?

Grandparents play an important role as listeners for their grandchildren.  Studies show that an activity with their grandparents most often mentioned by adolescents  is discussing what is on their mind.  Apparently we grandparents are good listeners.  -  But do we listen well enough to the non-verbal as well as the verbal?

At a presentation during a Commission on the Status of Women parallel session last week I heard a 13 year old girl explain that she had been sexually abused for seven years.   The abuser was a family member as is often the case.   She could not bring herself to tell her own mother.   She had no one to confide in.  She explained to us that it was easier for her to now tell us, the audience, than it had been to tell her mother.

No child should experience abuse and no child should have to carry the burden alone, having no one to confide in.

Would you have guessed that something was wrong  if this girl had been your grandchild?  To be truly good listeners for our grandchildren, we need to:

• Love our grandchildren unconditionally; let them know we love them  and will stand by them no matter what happens.
• Really listen to what they say and discuss without judgment.
• Listen actively: nod our head; ask questions that show interest; repeat what the child says; say “hmm” or “I see”.
• Tune into what is not verbally expressed, the child’s body language.   We may even copy her gestures.  Are they congruent with what he says?
• With smaller children, play dolls or stuffed animals with them.   Be conscious of what they are saying as they act and talk with their dolls.
• Remember that good listening and encouragement to share their own thoughts and concerns helps to build your grandchildren’s age-esteem.

Bonnie Across-generations, Grandparenting abuser, age-esteem, grandparents, listeners, sexually abused

The average age of a first time grandparent in North America today is 48.

With today’s life expectancy being  78 in North America, (as opposed to 81.5 in Iceland and 41 in Zimbabwe) many of us may have 30 years or more of grandparenting ahead of us.   So  the question of how we want to fill the role of grandparent becomes an important one.

This is especially true since as today’s grandparents we are likely to be more educated than previous generations and also be active, self-confident with age-esteem and more globally aware.  We still have places to see and dreams to live.  Grand-parenting is just one role among many.

Bonnie Grandparenting, Life Stages - Ages age-esteem, globally aware, grandparents, North America, self-confident

Whether you are a grandparent,  parent or grandchild this is a day to celebrate.  Grandparents are precious to their families and play a key role in our society.

• In the USA 5.7 million older persons are raising their grandchildren or heading a household that includes children.
• Grandparents care for 28% of preschoolers whose mothers are employed in the USA.
• 80% of US grandparents saw or spoke with their grandchildren by phone in the past month.
• Spending time with a grandparent is linked with better social skills and fewer behavior problems among adolescents. (US Concensus Bureau)
• In countries where AIDS is rampant, grandparents are often the sole living relatives to care for their grandchildren.  The generation of their own children has been wiped out by the disease.
• Even grandparents who may not have access to their grandchildren often remain AgeEsteem role models and mentors for both parents and grandchildren.

Bonnie Across-generations, Life Stages - Ages adolescents, AIDS, grandchildren, grandparents, social skills