Daniel Meylan, 76, Paris, France

Age esteem?  Esteem is already important alone.  With age it is even more important.  It is good to put them together.  We’re not so old.  We must continue to esteem ourselves and to care for ourselves well, not let ourselves go.

Daniel’s Tips:  I force myself not to let go of what I have always done.  I oblige myself to stay physically fit and to not be a vegetable.  I walk a lot.  A couple weeks ago I fell because I was racing to catch a bus.  It was a lesson.  I will not do that again.  It has taken me these weeks to recuperate my normal way of walking, which has to do with regaining confidence.

At present I have a problem.  If I don’t know people, I have a difficult time to carry on a conversation like I used to.  I am destabilized because I don’t find my words like I used to.  As a result I panic which makes it worse.  To improve this I am going to a coach specialized in helping me find the words that I have lost.  It is a long journey.  I completely stopped speaking at a certain point and now I am trying to recuperate the vocabulary I’ve lost.  I’ve also lost much of my English and my German.  Now I force myself to make conversation with others.  I actively engage in social occasions.

For the intellectual side I read books on the Middle Ages to learn about that era.  It is very difficult for me to concentrate, but I insist on doing it.  It is also another way to recuperate some of my words.

It’s also important to be with family, with the grandchildren regularly.

I go to a center for older people several times a week.  There is a woman there who is 100.  She manages to keep physically and mentally fit and is a strong role model for me.  She is well dressed.  I am considered someone who is still completely present.  I feel comfortable there but sometimes wonder why I go.  I am still completely independent which isn’t the case for most.  I get there and home by my own means.  I want to keep my autonomy.  It’s important for me.

We go there to live as well as possible as long as possible.  I am in the section that designs and paints in the morning and does gymnastics in the afternoon, though I am in much better physical form than the others.

I am strict with myself for all questions of remaining in shape.

Bonnie Fatio

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Arda Aghazarian, 30, Palestine

It’s not easy for me to say, but I’m 30 today.  I think I’ve said to you before that I’ve always thought that 40 is a good age, but 30 is not.  It’s like a transition.  What are you?  It’s difficult.  I’ve been battling with this for the past six months.  The difficulty for me is that I have a lot of dreams; I want to do a lot of things.  I think that the 20s are different.  It’s different when you say you are 20 something and then suddenly you are 30!

When I hear Age Esteem I think that this is the word that is always connected to the word self esteem.  It has to do with confidence and I’ve read your book, AgeEsteem, and taken in what you say, but to deal with it is something else.  I need to read the book often.   No matter how much reading I do, the fact is that today I’m a 30 year old and that’s a new reality for me.  It’s as if I need to remind myself every now what age esteem is all about and again that it is ok to be my age.  Your talk today was like a gift to me.  It was the reminder that I needed it on a day like this.

What are my concerns about aging?  First of all there are the social things I try not to be too concerned with, like you know, by this age you’re supposed to have done certain things.  You’re not married yet.  You don’t have kids yet.  If you have kids soon, should you hurry?  These are aspects I try not to think about too much.  I should try to evaluate my life based on my own thoughts, but it does affect me sometimes.  The other part is the personal, which is the body, and how much can you do now?  Like I still want to be a good runner now.  Should I be concerned that I will not be as good a runner as I was back then?  Things like that.  There’s also the loneliness factor and other issues I wouldn’t have thought of before.   Before I was a free soul I was travelling and suddenly I’m think I should have more people around me because I am getting closer to the future when I will need more people around me.  So it’s a different way of developing the future.

Arda’s tips:  I think one of the best techniques is to have good people around you who give you good energy.  This is very important because it is a waste of time to have people around you who make you feel bad about yourself.  I don’t want to say that you should put people in categories.  All people are good in general, but some people make you feel worse.  Earlier I would have said that you should accept all people and everyone should be your friend, but now that I’m getting older I see that some people are better off at a distance.  Suddenly I’m okay with that.  Just let me surround myself with people who are positive, who give me good energy.  That’s one of the good techniques.  Being among people who make me feel good about myself.  – And not just people, also things in general.   Books that inspire me, movies that educate me…

You know, anticipating turning 30 those past 6 months has been very difficult, but now that it’s happened, it’s happened and I’m looking forward.

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The sunflower is beautiful! – Not because it is perfect, but because it shines with a natural beauty both in the sunshine and the shade.  In fact, the sunflower brightens any setting.  It raises its head with confidence and brings a happy glow to the world.

Age-esteemers bring their happy glow to the world as well, as they find ways to brighten the days of others.

Bonnie Fatio

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The Blewfield Clan

What a wonderful time post retirement seems to be for the cousins at the reunion in Paducah.   Everyone seems to be developing or focusing on genuine  interests.  And varied they are!

• Suzanne, who still works part-time in a law office  is submersed in the family genealogy and can trace her branch back to the Mayflower several times.  She is now writing a book about it.
• Bill, who is a retired professor and Fullbright Scholar, lives with poetry and has one of the best poetry resources, www.unf.edu/mudlark/
• Doreen complements working part-time as a mentor to student teachers with her passion for theater and acting on the local stage.
• Don “recycled” to become a pastor and acts as interim minister to congregations.  He also lives his passion as a cookie creator at the local bakery.
• Rose and David sold their house and now live in a motor home to experience new places across the nation.  Rose is a writer and David a photographer and using these passions.
• Gerard focuses on renewable energy and is sought out as an expert to speak and advise.   He also volunteers on clean water projects in Africa.
• Jeanie continues to nurse ailing birds, something that she has always done and is not ready to leave.  She loves what she does.

And this is just part of the cousins!

It is never too early or too late to develop your interests and passion.  It is an important aspect of personal age-esteem to love what you do.  It is a real elixir to building confidence and feeling vital.

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When I told friends we were headed to “Paducah”, they thought it was an exotic island or a joke.

Actually it is neither.  Paducah, Kentucky is hometown to two cousins.  We were going there to meet up with the Blewfield clan of cousins.   As children growing up in the Midwest, we spent a week each year with cousins in LaPorte, Indiana.  We swam, boated, had hamburger eating contests, and played from dawn til dark.  It was a highlight of summer.

Now 60 years later we still look forward to being together. The Cousin’s Reunion has become a tradition with a different person taking on the organization every two years.

This year a conversation revolved around benefits of being older.  -  Especially living our passions, investing time in work and activities we truly love and that build our confidence and age-esteem.

• We feel vibant and involved in new ways.
• People seek us out.  Our strengths are recognized and sought after.
• We are involved in amazing activities that give meaning to our lives.
• We are more tolerant and understanding, no longer sweating the small stuff.
• Our lives have greater perspective.

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The Age I Allow Myself To Be

Are you holding yourself back from activities you would enjoy because you think you are too old?

Who cares what others think?  Right, you do.  You care what they think.  I can understand this, so why not try the following.

• Think about something you would love to do but hold yourself back because you are afraid of what others might think.  An example might be to enter a dance contest.  Write down what you would like to do.
• Now think of the worst that could happen, the very worst.  Would you be locked up in prison?  Not likely.  Would you break a leg?  Possibly, but it isn’t probable.  Would people laugh?  Perhaps.  Maybe nothing negative would happen.
• Now ask, what is the best that could happen?  The answer may seem simple and non consequential  An example may be that you will have a good belly laugh or you will prove you can do it.

Look at these experiences like the first domino that sets off the reaction that sparks everything else that happens after the first move.

These baby steps in breaking down your self-imposed barriers will lead to further confidence.  Just as a baby learns to walk one step at a time, you will soon find yourself feeling at ease as you repeat your experience and allow yourself to grow into more new experiences,

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Babies and AgeEsteem
Don’t Take Life Too Seriously

Make time to play: Children bring us back to the little wonders in life that we overlook as busy adults.   They teach us how to play again, to go barefoot in the grass.  As a result we use games and play to teach, create memories, and to bond with Baby.

• Loosen up and relax.  Take yourself less seriously.  Make time to admire the beauty and wonders life offers.
• Play with children and animals.  Be silly; have fun.
• Find ways to ‘play’ with colleagues, family and friends in order to understand and enjoy each other on a different level.  Play helps us to bond.

Play is an important ingredient to building confidence and age-esteem.

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Is It Ever Too Early?

When our first grandchild was born I wondered how I could teach her to become confident and to feel good about herself at each age, beginning the moment I first held her.

Is it ever too early to teach AgeEsteem?  I know it’s never too late.  We can gain AgeEsteem until the day we leave this earth.   So I’d like to believe that we can transmit the ideas of confidence and feeling good about yourself at every age even to a newborn baby.

I’m convinced we can begin growing personal age-esteem from birth.  What do you think?

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Body Clock Is Ticking Faster – And Still No Right Partner

What To Do?

Enlist your friends and family: Let your friends and family help you.  Sure, you’ll meet some frogs… but you may meet your prince..ess…  (No reason for all frogs worth kissing to be men!)  I know, it takes courage as well as confidence and age-esteem to do this, but you have to act on your goal.

• Ask your friends to help you.  And don’t be shy about sharing the values and qualities Right Partner must share with you.
• Accept to meet the person who they want to introduce with them.  Double date with the friends who set you up or go out with a group of friends.   Be game to try something new like riding a Segway through the city…
• Find out how others have met.  It can lead to new avenues of ideas.  -  It may be worth testing a dating service or to join chat rooms on line.

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Body Clock Is Ticking Faster – And Still No Right Partner

Meet New People

Get out and about: Keep active.  Plan time in your schedule to meet new people and to attend events.

• You’ve envisioned Partner Right.  Where would this person be apt to spend time?  Go where this person would go. If you want to find someone with an interest in art, attend shows.  If music is  important attend concerts, join a choir.
• Mix with others at these events.  Commit yourself to speak with three new people at each event.  Strike up a conversation and learn about the other people in a group.  Be genuinely interested in what they say.  Not only will they find you interesting as a result, but others in the room are more apt to notice you.  It will also reinforce your confidence and age-esteem.

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