Arda Aghazarian, 30, Palestine

It’s not easy for me to say, but I’m 30 today.  I think I’ve said to you before that I’ve always thought that 40 is a good age, but 30 is not.  It’s like a transition.  What are you?  It’s difficult.  I’ve been battling with this for the past six months.  The difficulty for me is that I have a lot of dreams; I want to do a lot of things.  I think that the 20s are different.  It’s different when you say you are 20 something and then suddenly you are 30!

When I hear Age Esteem I think that this is the word that is always connected to the word self esteem.  It has to do with confidence and I’ve read your book, AgeEsteem, and taken in what you say, but to deal with it is something else.  I need to read the book often.   No matter how much reading I do, the fact is that today I’m a 30 year old and that’s a new reality for me.  It’s as if I need to remind myself every now what age esteem is all about and again that it is ok to be my age.  Your talk today was like a gift to me.  It was the reminder that I needed it on a day like this.

What are my concerns about aging?  First of all there are the social things I try not to be too concerned with, like you know, by this age you’re supposed to have done certain things.  You’re not married yet.  You don’t have kids yet.  If you have kids soon, should you hurry?  These are aspects I try not to think about too much.  I should try to evaluate my life based on my own thoughts, but it does affect me sometimes.  The other part is the personal, which is the body, and how much can you do now?  Like I still want to be a good runner now.  Should I be concerned that I will not be as good a runner as I was back then?  Things like that.  There’s also the loneliness factor and other issues I wouldn’t have thought of before.   Before I was a free soul I was travelling and suddenly I’m think I should have more people around me because I am getting closer to the future when I will need more people around me.  So it’s a different way of developing the future.

Arda’s tips:  I think one of the best techniques is to have good people around you who give you good energy.  This is very important because it is a waste of time to have people around you who make you feel bad about yourself.  I don’t want to say that you should put people in categories.  All people are good in general, but some people make you feel worse.  Earlier I would have said that you should accept all people and everyone should be your friend, but now that I’m getting older I see that some people are better off at a distance.  Suddenly I’m okay with that.  Just let me surround myself with people who are positive, who give me good energy.  That’s one of the good techniques.  Being among people who make me feel good about myself.  – And not just people, also things in general.   Books that inspire me, movies that educate me…

You know, anticipating turning 30 those past 6 months has been very difficult, but now that it’s happened, it’s happened and I’m looking forward.

Bonnie A Major Birthday, Secrets to AgeEsteem 20's, 30, 30 years old, 40 is a good age, age-esteem, AgeEsteem, Arda Aghazarian, confidence, developing the future, evaluate life, getting older, loneliness factor, looking forward, new reality, not married yet, Palestine, people who are positive, self esteem

The Inter-generational Effect with Bonnie Fatio (l) and Arda Aghazarian (r)

CSW 2010: All about the Inter-generational Factor
by World YWCA Communications Intern Anandi Smith

CSW 2010 Age Esteem and World YWCA

Walking into the Global Action on Aging Office on March 2, 2010 I get a warm greeting from the facilitators Bonnie Fatio and Arda Aghazarian. The office space is beautiful with silk hangings on the wall and large windows. From the front you can see a spectacular view of the UN building and the river.

Women of all ages file in and there appears to be a large number of women from World YWCA CSW 2010 delegation wearing the infamous fuchsia pink scarves. Swiss chocolates, which people make, an immediate dive for is passed around as people start to settle in their seats.

Bonnie Fatio, Age Esteem founder and author introduces the meeting. She wants to create an atmosphere where “age and aging are celebrated”. She tells us that ‘age esteem’ is where she wants to make her dream a reality and wants to encourage and portray a positive attitude towards ageing.

Arda Aghazarian,YWCA in Palestine staff and World YWCA Board member, introduces herself and asks us about our thoughts on age esteem. Numerous people respond and there seems to be a mutual agreement that in society today we are not encouraged to celebrate getting older. In the media for example we seem to be constantly bombarded with products and images to keep us young. Sarah Davies comments that there are certain expectations around age and if we do not abide by them people can be quick to judge. Doris Salah says “the word esteem, you don’t loose your esteem when you grow.”

Bonnie Fatio says “ the relationship to age that we carry follows us everywhere”, negative attitudes such as “old is bad and youth is dynamic” are not healthy. The facilitators tell us that they all want us to participate in an exercise, which will be measured in a symbolic way. Bonnie and Arda stand up at the front of the room and tell us to look at them hypothetically. We are told to raise our right or left hands when different words are used to describe woman. We are told to close our eyes, words such as ‘healthy, intelligent, beautiful wise’ come up and people point in different directions. What we find through this exercise is that you really have to be quite judgmental and ageist when deciding who to choose. Most of the words called out suit both women so people find themselves pointing in both directions. Through the exercise we find that there is a hidden ageism bias in all of us.

The conversation goes onto human rights and how dignity is a part of inner worth. Bonnie asks us how we should grow as leaders and that we should include young women. She says that one should not wipe out the other. Almost on cue Mildred Persinger walks in. (Now 92, Mildred has been a leader of women’s rights for several generations.)  Bonnie goes on to say that a sign of leadership is not passing the torch on but starting a flame that the younger generations can carry for themselves and light others. Getting older should be celebrated.

We then move off into pairs for another exercise and discuss what we gain from either older or younger women. My partner is Bonnie, she describes to me that “ young people have a different energy, they go by a different pace, vocabulary and are a constant learning experience. I tell her that I can learn a lot from older women they have been through all the things I am going through now and I can learn from them.

The thoughts that we are left with at the end of the seminar are how we can work with the older generation and as women we are not pushing a transition of new leaders. We are expected to evaluate and judge people ages but we need to look at it positively. Bonnie gives us a weekly challenge, which is to keep a personal talk diary for one week. It is to look at what we are saying through our mouths and thoughts and to turn our negative thoughts into positive ones. At the end of the session there are relaxed and happy faces all around. I think that the group has learned a lot from the exercises and will not be so quick to judge someone based on their age group and celebrate growing old. I know I will.

Bonnie Across-generations age-esteem, AgeEsteem, Anandi Smith, Arda Aghazarian, Bonnie Fatio, Commission on the Status of Women, CSW, Global Action on Aging, inter-generational, Mldred Persinger, WorldYWCA