Lynne Adams, 71, California,  USA

I think Age Esteem means holding in esteem – that it be a positive approach to thinking of aging.  That means aging could be very positive in your life, and I suppose also depending on what your age is.  To me Age Esteem means that you are esteeming age and getting older.

My own concerns with age would be not having good health.  Not having good health can affect a lot of the other things you like to do, like travel.  A real concern is also memory loss.  Sometimes something will come up and I’ll say, “How did I forget the name of that book, or that person?”   So memory loss is fearful and also living alone if I eventually have to.  Right now my husband is in reasonably good health and we are a fairly active couple, but thinking of living alone would be among my concerns.   I used to be very carefree about a lot of things in life, but now worry more than I would have about certain situations and wondering, “Will this person remember what they’re supposed to do?”, or if we’re planning something in an organization, “Will that person carry through?”  And in the family wondering, will my daughter remember to do this or that?  When she married I was concerned about all the plans we had to make.  I would be more concerned about things like that now that I’m older than I ever was when I was younger.  I’m more of a worrier than I used to be.

Lynne’s Tips:  Keeping a healthy body is important, so I am quite active.  I enjoy sports and I enjoy working out.   I try to keep my body whole.  I recently had a groin pull and it reminded me that I’m not exactly a kid any more.  I’m not discouraged.  I want to still stay active and I think that is very important.

Also keep your mind stimulated.  I do love to read.  I still seek more time to read because I am active in organizations and other things, but a real joy to me is to be informed.  I think it is important for a person of any age to know what is going on in the world.   It’s important to keep an active mind.  It is also important in your life to feel that you are doing something beyond yourself.  In place of just things you like to do, reach out to the world around you where there are needs.  I think that’s very important.  Now that I’m a retired teacher I have time to do more of that, especially through my church.

Take good care of yourself, eating healthy, having a healthy life style.  Friendships are extremely important. – To have close friends, but at the same time reaching out, knowing you can still make friends.  Remain active in life.   Seek new ideas.  Know other people and their lifestyles through friendships.

Lynne Adams is an active volunteer with First Book among other activities.

Bonnie Fatio

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Apparently being kind to others is not only good manners.  A recent Japanese study emphasizes it is also good for your health.

Holding the door for someone, saying a kind word of thank you, or showing your gratitude bring two positive outcomes.  According to this Japanese study you will feel happier and be healthier.  It is an easy and inexpensive way to reduce stress and avoid depression.

Being kind stimulates the production of serotonin, a neurotransmitter that has a positive effect on our humor, and reduces the secretion of cortisol which is a stress hormone.

So, to be healthier share your kindness and gratitude.  This is good news for people with age esteem, because they naturally show gratitude.

Bonnie Fatio

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Happy World Teacher’s Day

What better way to follow “Words of Encouragement” than to give tribute to teachers.

Each of us has one or several teachers who have encouraged and inspired us.  They did it out of love and dedication to teaching and to helping us become smarter and confident in our own knowledge.  Most often teachers have to be satisfied with their own estimate of how well they did their job.  We were not over zealous in letting them know that we appreciated what they taught us or in telling them what we have done with our education.  But it is never too late.

Today is the ideal occasion to write a note of gratitude to a former or present teacher.  Formal education is a blessing that not everyone enjoys.  Search out your teachers on face book and through former classmates.  Make today a day of thanks for teachers.

Bonnie Fatio

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People with age esteem recognize that they have choices, that they are masters of their own life.  They may not be able to control what happens to them all of the time or even most of the time, but they take control over how they act or react to what happens.

Age esteemers know they can choose to see what happens as an opportunity or as a catastrophe.  They can choose to be a victim, or they can choose to take action to move beyond the problem, to learn from it and benefit from it.

• Decide that you will become a can do, will do person who takes control.
• Look for the opportunity inside a difficulty.
• Remind yourself that you are in control.

Bonnie Fatio

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Carolyn Flowers, 58

When I hear the word Age Esteem what comes to mind is age that doesn’t feel like age.  Although you’re aged, you still have some of that youth in you.

My own concern with aging is to think that somebody will have to take care of me.  I don’t want anybody to ever have to take care of me.
Carolyn’s Tips:  Stay busy:  always learning, always looking for ways to make improvements.  Giving of myself.  I think if you give of yourself you feel good about yourself and when you feel good about yourself you’ll age more gracefully.  I think that whether you’re young or whether you’re old you should always know what your passion is.  You can’t go wrong if you are doing what you’re passionate about.  It’ll keep you young.

Carolyn Flowers is regional manager of the YWCA’s of Southeast U.S.

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Pauline Mawaka   Executive Dir. Of Senior Women Citizens for Change

When Pauline Mawaka retired as a school teacher she decided to help change the lives of aging women in Kenya.  I had the privilege to meet Pauline in Nairobi and to learn first hand how she is going about this.  The following words are hers.

“After retirement I began creating awareness of violence against women and in other communities in Kenya.  I have been in most areas of Kenya to say that you must identify yourself as a woman in the community.  Speak out if you are violated.  No one else will speak for you.  Don’t be oppressed.

When women are beaten by their husband they feel that they let him down or failed.  They say they fell down the stairs.  Women are afraid to tell the truth.  We have now started to speak to schools and have women come out and say that they are beaten.  But the problem is that the Police laugh saying the problem is domestic.  This is changing as we get many women to come out.  At the grass roots they are still very oppressed.  I work in the slums of Nairobi.  Women who came from the country did so because their husbands violated them.  Then they come and stay with men in the slums and they are again violated.  They have a red eye or swollen cheek.  With time I think they will understand.  They’ve been oppressed for years.  It takes time.

I got married to a man who believed that a woman is a woman and her place is in the kitchen, but because I was involved in issues of women’s rights I decided I would say no to violence.  He still violates me, but I stand by my rights.  I have declared my rights.  My daughters too.  When a man came to marry my daughter, she said to me, “No, Mommy.  This man is like my dad.  I don’t want to marry him.”  She had seen her father shouting at me and telling me I’m stupid.  And that man is jobless.  I am the one who brings food on the table.  I am the one who has been caring for my children up to now.   He did very little to support.  But regardless of what he did I said that I wanted my children to go to school.  I wanted my children  to be educated.  All my 6 children have finished O levels.  One is working at the UN in NY as an accountant.  So it was like whatever this man was doing to me I didn’t care.  He couldn’t get me down.  I said I would stand firm and be sure that my children would have a good life.  They refuse to be violated.  To be married does not mean that I am a lesser person.

I sing.  When there are meetings like this, (World Council of the YWCA) I come.  Sometimes men don’t let us attend this type of meeting, but I do.  I control my own life.  I speak up.  My husband can call me a mushy brain, say that I am crazy.  Regardless of what I have been told I have walked and gotten on with my life.   Nobody lives my life except myself.  I control my thoughts and my body.  If I didn’t do that, I would not be here.  I would already be dead.  Although my husband never beat me, he abused me with insults.  When he says this I say Thank you.  All you say goes back to you.  I bounce them to you.

I still am here.  At the end of the day he lost his job.  I struggled as a teacher to provide and raise our children.  The man cannot say ‘Mama thank you, you are trying’.  Instead he says I am stupid.  I tell him stupid does not come into my mind but if you call me stupid I bounce it back to you.  One thing he has never done is to touch me.

I know I have a right in my home and in my country and I address it to other women.  I can help other women to say no.

I have a passion for women, and a purpose.  Sometimes when I listen to the women with their issues I just have water running from my eyes, but I know we can work together.  I must shake the world.  I can help women live happily.  It is because of violence that women cannot put food on the table.

When you are told from June to May that you are stupid, you believe you are stupid, you believe you are stupid.  Women encourage me so I keep my energy.  I think, God you love me and I will continue.”

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From your secret admirer

Have you ever received a an anonymous card or thank you note to tell you how much you are appreciated?  Has a bouquet of flowers been delivered with no signature, simply the message “From your secret admirer”?

I would agree that it is more fun to know who the person is. -  But there is excitement in not knowing.  We begin to think about those people we know who might be this admirer.  It prompts us to look at people around us differently.  Is HE the one?  Is SHE the one?

Suddenly we find ourselves deep in thought, remembering what we have done for others that may have spurred this note or gift.  We tune in to how people look at us and we listen more closely to the nuances in their speech when we are together.  It reminds us of past experiences and kindnesses given and received.

And all of this positive thinking has been sparked by a single note or gift that is not signed.

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