I Am What I Am

“During much of life I was anxious to be what someone else wanted me to be. Now I have given up that struggle. I am what I am.” – Elizabeth Coatsworth

An Intergenerational Vacation

Why is it that so many older people book cruises for their vacations?

When my husband and I took a cruise in the Caribbean I found many answers to this question.

Despite the fact that cruises are not free, they can be relatively inexpensive if you book last minute deals, or very early. Since almost everything is included in the price, you can get by without investing in extras.

And there are bonus advantages:

• You stay in the same room and only need to unpack and repack once. – Your temporary home carries you to your multiple destinations.
• The food includes all dietary wishes.
• Multiple activities are available to play, learn and exercise.
• Ease of contact with people of all ages.

If you choose to, you can interact with little ones and teenagers as well as those closer to your own age or older than you.

I believe this last point is especially important to feel confident and competent as you age. A key to age esteem is to be in contact with people of other generations and cultures. It is an excellent way to gain a new perspective and understand what is important to younger and older people, as well as have an opportunity to share your own views.

Why is this important for your age esteem? When we interact with people of other ages, rather than isolate ourselves with adults of our own era, we become comfortable being with and dialoging with other generations. Take teenagers for instance. If we do not have regular contact with teenagers, we can easily be more critical of them simply because we do not understand how they see the world. When we take time to converse with them and listen to their interests and ideas, we begin to appreciate who they really are. We no longer categorize them as having the same traits simply because they are teenagers. Instead we get to know them as individuals. – And they see us as unique individuals as well.

My dad used to open conversation with young people easily. He was genuinely curious and interested to know what they thought. Sometimes the youth would be leery of him in the beginning, but they soon found themselves in conversation. They could tell that his interest was sincere. It may not be as simple as that for people who are more timid. However, vacation is a great time to be with, and get acquainted with others of all ages.

Bonnie Fatio

Working Across Generations

One answer to working together across generations is Shared Intergenerational Leadership.

Why is this effective?

By working with others of diverse generations through sharing responsibilities, for instance leading a project, meeting or training, we learn how others function and think.

Rather than watch the other person perform in a way that annoys us, we are forced to open our mind. We have the natural opportunity to ask why they suggest something or prefer to work in a way that may seem foreign to us.

A personal incident that comes to mind took place when I was running an Intergenerational Dialogue at a Conference in Colombia with a young woman in her twenties from Trinidad Tobago. As we were discussing how notes would be recorded at each able she said, “They can also Tweet!”

My initial reaction was, “How rude!” Imagine people tweeting while you are sharing your idea. I am not proud to say that I missed this opportunity to sit on my mouth and to say nothing. However I did immediately ask further questions. I do, after all, tweet.

As a result, when we shared the leadership of this Intergenerational Dialogue I found myself encouraging participants to also tweet using the hash tag of the conference.

I learned something, the other person’s idea was valued, and it added to the richness of the dialogue process. Rather than trying to pigeonhole the other person into the characteristics of her generation, we each actively listened to the ideas of the other and acted together, sharing leadership intergenerationally. Each of us benefited in the process.

These experiences further enhance my own leadership style and confidence, and therefore my age esteem.

Bonnie Fatio

Generational Differences Are Unavoidable

Generational differences have always existed. Just look back and ask yourself questions about how your views and way of operating were different from your parents and grandparents. If you had conflicts with either generation, what were these disagreements based on? – And not just when you were a teen-ager. Also look at your own adult years.

Differences among generations are unavoidable. We are born and raised in very different times.

I continue to admire the generation of my grandparents who witnessed the first car, the first human walking on the moon and the first computer. They also experienced two world wars and the Great Depression.

My own generation was born during the Second World War, watched the first televisions in our homes, and later, computers. We were also influenced by the Civil Rights Movement, the war in Viet Nam, JFK, Martin Luther King, and Mahatma Gandhi. Milk and eggs were delivered directly to our door, which was rarely locked. Games were invented with what we found to play with. We knew all the neighbors by name and they would scold us if we did something bad. Meals were eaten sitting around the family table together with lively discussions. We had chores and found it normal to participate, even if we did complain.

Those of you who are younger may find this a bit odd, but times were different. It is no wonder that our perceptions vary, sometimes greatly.

So how to work and live together becomes the question. It is a question that people with Age Esteem are eager to answer. They know that an important key to Age Esteem is to have contact with people of diverse generations.

No matter what your age, ask yourself the following question. “Who do you have in your life who are from older and younger generations?”

If you find it difficult to name these people, I suggest that you act now to bring people of other generations into your life.

Bonnie Fatio

Age Esteem = Regular Interaction with People of All Ages

An important quality of Age Esteem is to have regular interaction with people of all ages. – To relate to the full span of ages.

This used to be a natural aspect of living. Three, even four generations within a family often lived under the same roof, and still do in many countries today. It provided a natural relationship among different generations with each understanding his or her role within the family.

Of course it was not always easy, but neither is it necessarily easy to live within a mono-generational community. In both cases we need to know how to accept and respect each other.

We also learn from each other. The older ones give us a reference to be able to put the ups and downs of life into perspective as we make our own life decisions. They provide examples as role models.

Younger generations keep us current. What matters to youth today? How do they view the world? What is the meaning of their favorite music and games?

When we esteem ourselves at the age we are, this age esteem comes in part from recognizing the value of our age, in relation to ourselves and in relation to others.

Working and interacting intergenerationally helps us to gain the necessary perspective to recognize our own value at the age we are.

Bonnie Fatio

Adieu Alexandra Taylor

Another page has turned as we say “Adieu” to Alexandra Taylor who has kept us entertained and uplifted with her poems for almost five years. AgeEsteem published her first poem, Celebrate Your Age on October 27^th, 2010.

Ever since then she has been generously sharing her talents with the audience of AgeEsteem blog weekly. One of my many favorites is just four lines.

Rejoice!

Let your voice

Be the clue

To the you

Of your Choice.

 Alexandra Taylor wrote this after reading the chapter “Rejoice” in my book
 AgeEsteem: Growing A Positive Attitude Toward Aging
.

Her poems developed as a genuine pastime after she attended an AgeEsteem program. I well remember our discussion that began with her explaining to me that she had no talents to share. I recalled seeing cartoon characters that she had made into drawings for her children previously and as our conversation moved forward I learned that she had designed greeting cards with both drawings and prose. This soon led to her poems and my suggestion that she might like to write for AgeEsteem.

What few people know is that she wrote her poems while waiting for the bus, walking home from town, or sitting on a park bench. She wrote these rhymes on scraps of paper or envelopes that she found in the trash next to the bus stop or on the program from a concert she had attended. On the rare occasions that they were actually on writing paper, they were often stuck in an envelope already addressed and sent through the mail to someone else before she salvaged it to enclose her latest rhyme. She was a scavenger at heart! I hope to make a book of her many poems, handwritten and on “recycled” paper as she gave them to me.

Alexandra thwarted Google because she never wanted to be interviewed or to have her photo published. She was happy to simply share her talents with no acclaim. It was enough to know that others enjoyed her poems.

Alexandra’s latest poems remain to be published, two of which she wrote during her last days.

Alexandra Taylor left us in much the same way that she lived, quietly and with dignity. Death is, after all, a natural ending to this life as we know it. She leaves us with the precious gift of her wealth of poems and memories of moments shared, both of which are life continued.

Bonnie Fatio

What Do You Really Want Out Of Life?

What do you really want out of life?

This is an important question to ask yourself as you age. What you want the rest of your life to be like, and how do you achieve this, is a common theme within Age Esteem presentations and workshops.

It is especially pertinent to ask yourself this question when you reach the stage in life when your career (working either outside of the home or dedicating your time to family) begins to wind down. You now have time to ask yourself, “What do I want the rest of my life to look like? What do I really want?”

In her Daily Spiritual Practice for July 20?^th 2015 Rev. Donna Loflin from the Unity of the Hills in Branson, Missouri shared the following message. Her message is pertinent for your Age Esteem.

“What do I really, really, really want?” ~Elizabeth Glibert, author of Eat, Pray, Love

“Its been said that we are transitioning out of the Information Age and there are many different ideas about which age we are now entering. Whichever age we are entering, we can see that systems are changing and paradigms are shifting. We are moving beyond mere knowledge and embracing higher levels of consciousness.

The world needs you: your talents, your gifts, your creative ideas and your rebel ways to lift us higher and lead us further. Something inside of you is inviting you to dream bigger and shine brighter. But how do you answer your heart’s calling when you work, manage your household, perhaps raise a family or caretake others? How do you make time to be creative when your never ending to-do list never ends?

Take it to the cushion. It could be your meditation cushion or your couch cushion. Wherever it is, sit yourself down, close your eyes and ask your heart, “What do I really, really, really want?”

In 2008 Elizabeth Gilbert, author of “Eat, Pray, Love,” was on “Oprah” and she shared a lot of wisdom she gained while traveling through Italy, India and Indonesia to write her New York Times best-seller. But the one idea that caught fire with people was her invitation to ask ourselves, as we go into meditation, “What do I really, really, really want?”

Gilbert said it is extremely important to ask “really” three times and to emphasize the word the third time you say or think it. Doing so invites your heart to answer it honestly.

You may not hear the answer right away. Be patient. And you may not “hear” an answer at all. You might see what looks like a sign OR you may feel a strong intuitive hunch. However your Higher Power answers, listen! You are being guided.

It may take a week or more to hear/see/feel an answer. Don’t give up. Keep asking…and keep listening. Inner guidance leads to your passion.

Living a life of “who you are meant to be” will not only change you…it will change the world.”

Brains Of Older People

Brains of older people are slow because they know so much. People do not decline mentally with age.  It just takes them longer to recall facts because they have more information stored in their brains, scientists believe

Much like a computer struggles as the hard drive becomes fuller, humans can also take longer to access information.

Researchers say this slowing down is not the same as cognitive decline.  The human brain works more slowly in old age, said a doctor, but only because older people have stored more information over time. The brains of older people do not get weak.  On the contrary, they simply know more, but just may not be able to access the information.

Also, older people often go to another room to get something and when they are there, they stand and wonder what they came for.  It is NOT a memory problem.  It is nature’s way of making them do more exercise.*

Grandma Nature

*Editor’s note: *I believe that Grandma Nature is showing some humor!

Autumn Leaves

Autumn leaves are turning

From green to red and gold,

The elderly are yearning

To keep their years on hold.

Each tree of Life has seasons

It’s the same with people, too,

Our ages all have reasons,

Esteem each one anew.

Written by Alexandra Taylor for AgeEsteem®

Retirement Is A Misnomer

Transition From Career ⇒ New Beginning

Retirement is a word that no longer fits!  It's a misnomer for today's population of people transitioning from their careers into a future of their own design.

Years ago when our daughter, then three years old, asked her grandfather what he did.  He explained he was retired.  She didn't understand.  With a puzzled look she told him, « But you don't look tired. » 

She was right.  He didn't look tired.  This 74 year old had just retired from his second career of ten years.  When her Grandpa Jim turned 62 he decided that he was ripe for a new challenge before being put out to pasture.  So he left the ministry, began studies and became a stock broker.  He then re-retired ten years later as Vice President in a major brokerage firm, feeling even more vigorous than at 62.  He was a pioneer for his times.

Today starting a new career or activity is commonplace.  We are following dreams to improve the world, living passions, winning races, authoring books, creating new products, teaching in foreign countries, and setting new records as we  seek new challenges to develop our still untapped potential.   We are traveling, teaching, earning degrees, testing new tecnology.  We jog with our i-pod, send messages on a blackberry and surf the net.  At the same time we are often juggling the care of our grandchildren and parents.

Oh yes, it's time to find a meaningful term to define this new transition.  Retirement is associated with departure, retreat, seclusion, reclusion, resignation, pullback, pullout, withdrawal.    It may be the departure or withdrawal from a position or occupation, but it is definitely not seclusion and uselessness unless we choose for it to be.

Let's find new terms to replace this archaic word, retirement.  A good beginning is "encore choices", which indicates that our journey can take any direction we decide as we weigh the opportunities that surround us.  It keeps us in a position of decision, action and power.  

Other positive expressions for this transition are refirement, third act, challenged anew, impulsion, re-energized, stage of enlightenment… Choose whichever you prefer. The transition from your career is into a new beginning! Make it with confidence and age esteem.

Bonnie Fatio