As grandparents we try hard not to spoil our grandchildren with “things”.  Instead, we offer them endless unconditional love, educational experiences, happy memories filled with fun and adventure.   As much as we laugh together and play together, we remain their grandparents.  This is important for their age esteem as much as it is for ours.

Recent studies at Yale University, USA and the National Institute on Aging in the USA show that the attitude that children have towards aging influences how they feel about age when they become older.  This means that our attitude towards our own age is an important factor for our little ones later in their lives as well as today.

In order to offer unconditional love to our grandchildren, we must love ourselves unconditionally.  This indicates that we love ourselves at the age we are and celebrate ourselves as well as our grandchildren.   Children feel this sincerity and what we get in return are

• lopsided hugs and sticky kisses,
• pet names that only a child could chose,
• questions and statements that melt our hearts,
• a chance to rediscover life through new eyes, and
• the privilege of knowing we are important in very unique and important ways to our grandchildren.

Age esteem is the perfect gift for every occasion.

Bonnie Across-generations, Grandparenting, Happiness at Every Age age-esteem, attitude, celebrate, grandchildren, grandparents, National Institute on Aging, perfect gift, unconditional love, Yale

Many of the films for May/June are from around the world: France, Spain, Argentina, Switzerland, Norway, Mexico, United States.  I no longer dare call them foreign films since AgeEsteem readers come from most areas of the globe so many films will be foreign to most.

Films are a wonderful escape into another world and other lives far removed from our own, or perhaps not so different.   They are good for our age-esteem.

• We continue to learn through movies.  They stimulate our minds.
• Going to a theater is a social event, as is watching a DVD with friends.  We share the film and our impressions and reactions.
• Films often make us laugh or cry.  Laughter is a great preventive medicine..  Crying is also a good release that rids us of toxins.
• Films help keep us abreast of what is ‘in’.
• Watching films can be an intergenerational activity.  It offers us the occasion to ask questions and to learn from others, including small children and teens.

Research also shows that to watch a film in another language, whether or not we read subtitles, helps to connect our mental neurons in new ways.

Bonnie Across-generations, Au Cinema age-esteem, AgeEsteem, films, foreign films, intergenerational, laughter, social event

Having fun and meeting with people of different generations keeps us up to date on what is happening in the world as seen from other age groups.  It also gives us opportunities to share from our own point of view.

A delightful way to meet with others is through traditions that we share.  The tradition of having an annual family picnic to celebrate the national holiday creates memories for each member of the family.

If you don’t have a family, borrow neighbors and friends to create an intergenerational tradition.  Here are some ideas.

• Organize a treasure hunt mixing ages on each team.  It is a great way to learn to value the qualities of others as you follow clues that demand creativity, logic, technical skills, physical agility…  Different members get to shine at different moments.  You can be certain that it will become a tradition as participants beg to have another.
• Produce a play and perform it for friends and neighbors each summer.  All ages can work together as actors, prompters, ticket sellers…  You can perform outdoors or in a garage.
• Orchestrate a Mad Hatter’s Tea Party.  Each person can arrive with a homemade hat or you can encourage them to bring material, ribbon, paper, flowers and food like string beans with them for everyone to share while they make their hats on the spot.  You can also break them into teams to make one hat among them which is then modeled and judged.  Be sure to have a judge from each age group on the jury.

Ideas are endless.  Fly kites.  Line dance.  Have a day at the beach.  Organize a spelling contest.  You will be surprised how much fun it can be to begin an intergenerational tradition.

Bonnie Across-generations, Happiness at Every Age celebrate, intergenerational, Mad Hatter's Tea Party, memories, traditions, treasure hunt

Happy Mother’s Day!

Most countries have a special day to celebrate mothers.  Mother’s Day is a wonderful occasion for traditions:  children make little gifts and cards in school; bouquets of flowers are gathered; poems are written; mother’s chores are done by others so she can rest…  There are multiple ways to make a mother feel special.  Why not try one of the following?

• Make a picture album with photos of you and your mother and grandmother.
• Create a book of Memories with Mom.  Fill each page with a special memory.
• Sprinkle her home with notes of love.  Put notes in places where she is sure to find them: refrigerator, medicine cabinet, pillow on her bed,…  On each note write something that you love about her.  This can be fun to do with your children for their grandmother.
• If your mother is no longer alive, adopt a mother for the day.
• Reach out to women who have touched your life and remind them of what they mean to you and that you love them.

Bonnie Across-generations, Holidays celebrate, grandmother, Mother's Day, traditions

Sharing the sunset

There are numerous places in the world from the U.S. to South Africa and Australia where my husband and I have joined the local tradition of watching the sun go down at the end of the day.   It is like donuts and champagne or balloons and dancing on New Year’s eve or a picnic on the first day of summer.  As soon as we repeat the event, it becomes tradition.  We expect it and look forward to repeating it yet again.

Traditions are  healthy for our age-esteem.

• They give us occasion to celebrate.
• We look forward and plan for these events, whether as organizer or participant.
• Traditions are social events that bring us together with others.
• Traditions are often inter-generational, offering an opportunity for all ages to have fun together.
• They create memories and images to savor and to share.
• They do not need to cost anything, like sharing the sunset.

Bonnie Across-generations, Entertainment & Fun age-esteem, AgeEsteem, create memories, inter-generational, traditions

Going to the movies is a wonderful exercise for our age-esteem.   Why not take a look at our critic’s choices over the next three days and treat yourself to a theater outing or rent one to watch at home?

• Going to the movies is a social event, especially when we watch with friends and discuss the film afterward.
• Films spark our imagination.
• Movies stimulate our thinking; they take us to other parts of the world and into unusual settings.
• Watching foreign films in their original language forces us to concentrate on vocabulary.  If you study a foreign language, this will help connect words and images, phrases and scenarios.
• Many films keep us up to date and help us converse with our grandchildren.
• It’s fun to watch good movies!

Bonnie Across-generations, Au Cinema, Entertainment & Fun age-esteem, AgeEsteem, critic's choices, foreign films, grandchildren, movies

Easter offers an enjoyable opportunity for inter-generational fun.  Why not gather the grandchildren or neighbors for an egg painting party?  Even a two year old can dye and color eggs.  All ages can participate – toddlers, teens, parents, grandparents, great-grandparents.   You may begin an annual tradition!

• Make baskets to offer to friends.  The baskets that berries and fruit or potatoes come in can be decorated with ribbon and grass and filled with eggs.
• Decorate a branch or small tree with eggs.
• Organize an Easter egg hunt in a yard or the neighborhood park.
• Run races where each person must run with an egg in a spoon.
• Have an egg roll, where you are on all fours and push the egg with your nose.

Most important is to enjoy!  This is a wonderful way to share your age-esteem.

Bonnie Across-generations, Entertainment & Fun, Holidays age-esteem, all ages, Easter eggs, egg painting party, egg roll, inter-generational

Age Esteem is a basic essential for succeeding in social, economic and religious issues.  We must first feel good about ourselves at the age we are today, every day, if we are to be effective in our relationships with other women, girls, men and boys of all ages.  To be able to contribute our best and to nourish others and help them grow, we must first feel confident about ourselves.

This was reconfirmed by multiple speakers during the Commission on the Status of Women which I attended at the United Nations in New York last month.  The Honorable Mary Robinson, former President of Ireland and United Nations High Commissioner for Human Rights was one of these speakers.  Mrs Robinson insisted on our right to dignity and equality, sharing the opening sentence of the preamble to the Universal Declaration of Human Rights that states:

« Whereas recognition of the inherent dignity and of the equal and inalienable rights of all members of the human family is the foundation of freedom, justice and peace in the world, »

She emphasized that it is important to combine dignity with human rights.

Dignity

• Represents our inner sense of worth.
• Is relative to the cultural, environmental, social and spiritual.
• Depends on relations with others.
• Is holistic, encompassing all other aspects of life.

To have AgeEsteem is to age with dignity.

Bonnie Across-generations, Secrets to AgeEsteem age-esteem, AgeEsteem, aging with dignity, Commission on the Status of Women, Mary Robinson, sense of worth, United Nations, Universal Declaration of Human Rights

The Inter-generational Effect with Bonnie Fatio (l) and Arda Aghazarian (r)

CSW 2010: All about the Inter-generational Factor
by World YWCA Communications Intern Anandi Smith

CSW 2010 Age Esteem and World YWCA

Walking into the Global Action on Aging Office on March 2, 2010 I get a warm greeting from the facilitators Bonnie Fatio and Arda Aghazarian. The office space is beautiful with silk hangings on the wall and large windows. From the front you can see a spectacular view of the UN building and the river.

Women of all ages file in and there appears to be a large number of women from World YWCA CSW 2010 delegation wearing the infamous fuchsia pink scarves. Swiss chocolates, which people make, an immediate dive for is passed around as people start to settle in their seats.

Bonnie Fatio, Age Esteem founder and author introduces the meeting. She wants to create an atmosphere where “age and aging are celebrated”. She tells us that ‘age esteem’ is where she wants to make her dream a reality and wants to encourage and portray a positive attitude towards ageing.

Arda Aghazarian,YWCA in Palestine staff and World YWCA Board member, introduces herself and asks us about our thoughts on age esteem. Numerous people respond and there seems to be a mutual agreement that in society today we are not encouraged to celebrate getting older. In the media for example we seem to be constantly bombarded with products and images to keep us young. Sarah Davies comments that there are certain expectations around age and if we do not abide by them people can be quick to judge. Doris Salah says “the word esteem, you don’t loose your esteem when you grow.”

Bonnie Fatio says “ the relationship to age that we carry follows us everywhere”, negative attitudes such as “old is bad and youth is dynamic” are not healthy. The facilitators tell us that they all want us to participate in an exercise, which will be measured in a symbolic way. Bonnie and Arda stand up at the front of the room and tell us to look at them hypothetically. We are told to raise our right or left hands when different words are used to describe woman. We are told to close our eyes, words such as ‘healthy, intelligent, beautiful wise’ come up and people point in different directions. What we find through this exercise is that you really have to be quite judgmental and ageist when deciding who to choose. Most of the words called out suit both women so people find themselves pointing in both directions. Through the exercise we find that there is a hidden ageism bias in all of us.

The conversation goes onto human rights and how dignity is a part of inner worth. Bonnie asks us how we should grow as leaders and that we should include young women. She says that one should not wipe out the other. Almost on cue Mildred Persinger walks in. (Now 92, Mildred has been a leader of women’s rights for several generations.)  Bonnie goes on to say that a sign of leadership is not passing the torch on but starting a flame that the younger generations can carry for themselves and light others. Getting older should be celebrated.

We then move off into pairs for another exercise and discuss what we gain from either older or younger women. My partner is Bonnie, she describes to me that “ young people have a different energy, they go by a different pace, vocabulary and are a constant learning experience. I tell her that I can learn a lot from older women they have been through all the things I am going through now and I can learn from them.

The thoughts that we are left with at the end of the seminar are how we can work with the older generation and as women we are not pushing a transition of new leaders. We are expected to evaluate and judge people ages but we need to look at it positively. Bonnie gives us a weekly challenge, which is to keep a personal talk diary for one week. It is to look at what we are saying through our mouths and thoughts and to turn our negative thoughts into positive ones. At the end of the session there are relaxed and happy faces all around. I think that the group has learned a lot from the exercises and will not be so quick to judge someone based on their age group and celebrate growing old. I know I will.

Bonnie Across-generations age-esteem, AgeEsteem, Anandi Smith, Arda Aghazarian, Bonnie Fatio, Commission on the Status of Women, CSW, Global Action on Aging, inter-generational, Mldred Persinger, WorldYWCA

Are you a good listener?

Grandparents play an important role as listeners for their grandchildren.  Studies show that an activity with their grandparents most often mentioned by adolescents  is discussing what is on their mind.  Apparently we grandparents are good listeners.  -  But do we listen well enough to the non-verbal as well as the verbal?

At a presentation during a Commission on the Status of Women parallel session last week I heard a 13 year old girl explain that she had been sexually abused for seven years.   The abuser was a family member as is often the case.   She could not bring herself to tell her own mother.   She had no one to confide in.  She explained to us that it was easier for her to now tell us, the audience, than it had been to tell her mother.

No child should experience abuse and no child should have to carry the burden alone, having no one to confide in.

Would you have guessed that something was wrong  if this girl had been your grandchild?  To be truly good listeners for our grandchildren, we need to:

• Love our grandchildren unconditionally; let them know we love them  and will stand by them no matter what happens.
• Really listen to what they say and discuss without judgment.
• Listen actively: nod our head; ask questions that show interest; repeat what the child says; say “hmm” or “I see”.
• Tune into what is not verbally expressed, the child’s body language.   We may even copy her gestures.  Are they congruent with what he says?
• With smaller children, play dolls or stuffed animals with them.   Be conscious of what they are saying as they act and talk with their dolls.
• Remember that good listening and encouragement to share their own thoughts and concerns helps to build your grandchildren’s age-esteem.

Bonnie Across-generations, Grandparenting abuser, age-esteem, grandparents, listeners, sexually abused